the Eternal Optimist =)

2011-03-02T22:40:00.004+08:00

my life has been filled with so much joy and fun lately that it feels like a sin to post what im about to post.

but i have to,
because underneath the joy and smiles, some scars never heals.

so,
when did news stopped coming in good?

overdramatic this might be,
because you only see the outside me,
but its not really,
its just reality.

he quoted me in his speech

2011-02-15T18:36:00.004+08:00

26th January 2011, Rose-Hill, Mauritius

Up to a week ago this “Lead Green” project seemed like a joke with a bad punch line. The 20 bright individuals from all 4 corners of the world who were eager and enthusiastic to learn about Mother Nature and to make a difference were utterly disappointed. The initial perception was that we learn about sustainability in Mauritius, work with the local NGOs, conduct awareness workshops and return to our home countries with enough knowledge and experience to make a difference. We were promised that we would make an impact but the 20 undergraduates who were waiting, wanting to make an impact were left laughing at a badly told joke.

To convince ourselves that we were making the least bit of difference, we used the word ‘sustainable’ at every floating litter and open fire. We lost every desire to work and shifted our motivation to sun-tanning, partying, and more sun-tanning.

All of a sudden, the faintest hint of work creeps in. “Go to secondary schools and create an awareness campaign on sustainability” they told us in the strongest French-Mauritian accent. A project close to my heart it became, fuelled by my cheesy love for Nature and all things green as I was left in charge of the presentation.

The moon went to sleep and it was campaign day. I stood in front of 50 odd pinafore-clad girls feeling like I swallowed a jar of butterflies. In a house of 18 other interns who seemed like they did not really care nor took this awareness workshop seriously, no one but me knew how important and serious this presentation meant to me. It was a campaign created less than 24 hours ago, I was not at all prepared. What do I say? What if they ask me super-intelligent question and I can’t answer? Whats, hows and ohmygods ran through my mind, until the projector was turned on and all eyes were on me. My mind was blank and I just started talking, and talking, and talking. They laughed at my joke, which was a good sign. They weren’t responsive to my questions, not too good. They look like they are listening to me, thank god.

20 minutes later and it was the last slide, a warm round of applause and I ended my presentation with a great big smile, satisfied that I had just given the best presentation that I have ever given in my life. When it was activity time, the shy, reserved girls before me burst out of their shells and literally started to sing and dance. Their enthusiasm infectious and energy vibrated into our veins. It was the best day I had in Mauritius, knowing that I was able to share my passion and teach the kids about wonderful Mother Nature felt amazing enough, never have it occurred to me that I could actually inspire others to make a difference until 3 days later when Elodie messaged me.

“hi mei! i'm Elodie from the Queen Elizabeth college.Just want to thank you all guys for the great time we had together! we already started taking actions at school level and we're planning a cleaning day on friday during recess! thanks a lot guys. you had a great impact on us!!!”

Who knew a sloppy slide show crafted in mere hours could have had such a great impact. A gush of warmth, fuzziness, rainbows and butterflies of a good kind rushed through me upon opening this sweet, beautiful, simple message. Me? I made an impact? I actually inspired and motivated people to make a difference? I made a difference? This concept was new to my blood, it made me feel like a million rupees. The mere 2 hours we spent with the girls was so inspiring and motivating that it made the prior 30 days of bumming around seemed okay. I inspired people, and they motivated me to do more.

Lead Green finally lived up to its name, although this presentation was merely a side project, it embodies the spirit and essence of our stay. Sometimes the most ambitious of plans is just a dressing while the simpler effort sends the strongest message. All it takes is one little change to make a whole lot of difference. Inspiration and motivation comes side by side, hand in hand. To inspire, you have to be motivated, and when you are motivated, you are inspired. This is what Elodie and friends taught me today, a little reminder to keep motivated to inspire others, to keep my dedication and not to ever lose my drive.

2011-02-13T23:10:00.003+08:00

"Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement."
— Alfred Adler

~~4. get a tatoo by 21~~

en route

2010-12-20T00:18:00.004+08:00

aiports are cold, lifeless, steel.

the people's life sedentary as they wait to embark on a journey away, or a journey back home.
mothers and fathers pushes through their tiredness as they watch their kids have fun in imaginary land,
businessmen waste not their precious time, happily sip beers by the bar, or work feverishly on their laptops,
the occasional lost lone traveller pushes by looking for Gate 15,
admiring the young students who catches beloved naps between transit.
and some,
some just seat and read,
some just seat and watch as time pass by,
all just sit and wait.

they think they are using precious time well,
but all do they are is just waiting, waiting.

airports are cold, lifeless, steels.

they call it prep work

2010-12-18T00:18:00.007+08:00

if there is one thing i hate more than filling out forms,
its packing.

my god i hate packing.

the last time i attempted life as an alien, mum and dad picked, folded, packed and wrapped everything up for me and sent me on my way like I'm a christmas present for a nasty 5 year old brat. All I did was picked what I wanted to wear. But then again, they were the ones that decided that I go, they were the ones that arranged the flight tickets and everything else that had to be arranged. Like I'm a superstar and they my manager. 18 year old me was so relunctant to go that I immersed myself in work and avoided all the packing I can.

This time around, I avoided all the packing I can again, or so mum noted. Everytime she said its time to pack, I had people to have drinks with or Vinyls to stick on my room wall. At least my room looks cool now!

Until the (mid)night before, I avoid till I cannot avoid no more, I had to pick, fold, pack and wrap everything up on my own, and they stand and watch. Heck dad didn't even peep at my bag. Like I've downgraded from superstar to the superstar's assistant with no self respect.

Serves me right for having an itchy butt and legs that cannot stay where they are eh? I arranged and payed for everything on my own. Who knew international arrangements requires so much work. heh. heh. At least dad was kind enough to sponsor me a (really good) camera :)

People keep asking me if im excited to be going, and all i can say is "no rasa". I picked the wrong time to go, but they say no matter which planes crashes and what boat capsized, life has to go on. So i went on with mine, though filled with guilt, and relunctancy that i did not forsee.

oh by the way, if you didnt know yet, im en route to Mauritius! :)

2010-12-17T17:54:00.000+08:00

the rain has been pouring down, for what have seemed like the longest time ever.

this blog has been, like a friend said "refreshingly morbid",
oh well,
thats just how my life has been lately, refreshingly morbid.

the rain has been pouring for the longest time,
and it still continues to pour,
but i've eloped to much sunnier pastures,
for a sunny escape,
and now,

a new saga entails.

2010-12-14T01:32:00.003+08:00

i saw a little spark today, that gave me a faint glimmer of hope. one that i am holding on to tightly, so that it will not slip slide and fade away.......

sometimes good news comes in the most excruciatingly painful disguise. but i prevail, and will believe in it being a good news, and be hopeful, that only more good will come from it. the process might not, may not, will not be easy, but it will all end with good.
it has to. nothing less than that. it has to.

i really really need some good right now.

2010-12-13T17:43:00.002+08:00

how did i managed to be such an optimist for so long.
i guess its time,
when we grow up,
and question optimism
like how we question life
love
sincerity
people
and stop believing.

optimism is hard, its so hard to stay positive. you can only do it for so long.

so this is what grief feels like, eh. heh.

and i heard its christmas,
a time where dreams come true and people are happy and there's supposed to be a warm fuzzy feeling just by hearing the happy christmas songs and festive air.
but happy songs are just so fucking annoying right now.
if dreams really do come true,
i plead dear santa,
i'd give you everything i have,
please just return everything to the way it was,
the way it's supposed to be.
if there's such thing as a christmas miracle,
dear santa,
make your magic work.
please.

2010-12-01T18:58:00.003+08:00

we grow up thinking that we will be someone one day,
a tv star, politician, tycoon, CEO, an activist.
our names known, faces recognized, respect.
we carry the hopes and dreams on our backs in our hearts,
young and eager;
pulsating with desire,
but along the way,
dissapointments strikes,
reality hits
life happens.
we realize that there is no light at the end of the tunnel,
no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow,
the grass is never greener on the other side either.
it was lies, all lies.
and we settle.
we settle for second best,
for a normal civilian life,
we settle for normalcy
and see our once upon a time and happily ever after get washed down the drain,
so we say bye-bye and pretend that we're happy.
"We don't have to be somebody to be happy",
we lie to ourselves,
but,
how true is it?

will you settle or will you strive?
how long can you hold on?

2010-11-30T11:46:00.003+08:00

a drag in our feet,
hunch in our backs,
sigh in our chest,
gloom around our neck,
weights on our chin,
despair in our wake.

misery, stop following me.

2010-11-25T22:57:00.003+08:00

stuff you think that only happens on television, in the news, in hearsays, you think will only happen to someone else. But, to someone else, you are the someone else. So when it happens to you, it hits hard, real hard. Like a tsunami in your gut.

i dont know what to feel anymore. its empty and hollow and numb inside.

so so so tired.

2010-11-23T12:39:00.001+08:00

i dont think it will ever curve the right way again.

2010-11-18T23:22:00.000+08:00

escape is good because you can pretend that everything is alright for a little longer, :).

2010-11-15T01:07:00.000+08:00

reality hits and it sucks.
ouch.

it can only get better from here, i hope.

nope, nothing.

2010-11-10T22:47:00.003+08:00

its hard, when it hurts so much inside.
but i'll hold your hand.
if you're happy.
because no one deserves to be miserable, especially not you.

happiness comes at great costs,
this is on me. on me. on we.

so im counting to the days, that i wish will never come. and yet i wish it would to finally see a sunny day.

the heart cries,

the eyes fears,

the bags hold in the little tears.

nothing lasts.

dilemma dilemma dilemma

2010-11-09T01:04:00.002+08:00

Mei ni tgh dilemma la. dilemma yang perlu diselesaikan secepat mungkin. decisions decisions i hate making decisions. especially one where experiences and money is on the line. oh gosh its Robest Frost's The Road Not Taken all over again.

Dear TMC ah dy and Janie ah my, if u see this, nak minta tolong bagi advice!

Phenomenal Women, by Maya Angelou

2010-11-08T15:10:00.002+08:00

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

**

Phenomenal, thats me, and thats what every girl, lady and woman should be.
Beautifully and proudly said.
Thanks pao for sharing :)

sometimes,

2010-10-29T01:44:00.003+08:00

i hate reminiscing through old photos because it makes me miss the moment so much. I miss it so much, it hurts.

I miss vail. I've been missing vail for almost a year. The people, the cold in my bones, the excitement, the travels, the colours, the smell of snow mingling with spring... gosh, i miss vail so so very much. I want to recreate my time there, Vail, Marriot, LA, Hollywood, San Fran, missed flights.. I want my (very) happy belly, the 24 hour sleep on my first day, the frugal buys, the warm baths...

Lucia, from Russia. my favourite girl and friend there

Breathtaking Grand Canyon

Amazing LED show above us, Las Vegas

Caeser's Palace. Las Vegas.

San Fran, my fav city

it was then we became close, it was then he was my guardian.

gosh i miss vail.
it was my adventure.

and Im seeking a new one.

2010-10-20T22:34:00.003+08:00

sometimes, happy memories are not needed to be written and posted when you already have someone special who has shared, cherish, appreciate and remember the golden minutes with you :)

after 2 semester I can finally unleash the real Mei again!

and she's fly like a g6 yo

2010-10-12T23:49:00.001+08:00

the worst part of going to a funeral is not the crying and sadness,
its going back to an empty home.

im liking this freedom but i hope mum and dad returns from Dubai soon.

R.I.P, uncle.

confessions of a hyopcrite.

2010-10-12T14:25:00.003+08:00

I live in hypocrisy. I try not to, but its unavoidable when you live torn between the two repelling spectrums of "beauty".

I'm 20, the target of skinny bitch beauty ads. I'm a dancer, a definite target of flabs ridicule and weight watchers. Though the teasing of (barely there) muffin tops are usually in good fun, its hard not to be a little self-conscious. And, I live amongst girls (thankfully numbered) who are literrally skin and bones complaining bout their non-existent body fat, and bimbos who rejoice at losing 0.5kg after skipping one dinner. How the hell am I supposed to not feel fat when twigs whine about their "belly" and im chowing down on Carls Junior and McFlurrys! I admit, shamefully, then I could lose a few pounds. Though im not crazy obsssesed like them girls on E! , I'm obssessed enough sigh everytime i look down at my pudgy belly.

But then again, I don't think I'm fat. I know I'm thin enough to not be fat, and I'm fat enough to not look aneroxic. Inspiring lecturers and interesting reads have taught me to not sucummb to unrealistic beauty ads, to love my own unique shape, to understand that beauty is 3 dimensional, not one. So I cringe in dissapointment when I see a cute, rounded 10-year-old being subjected to fat-teasings by her dance teachers, telling her to lose weight to look pretty. So i reject all notion of starving to diet, I reject the word diet, and I beat myself up for wanting to diet and feeling fat.

But then again, they tell me that I am getting fat.

oh the confusion and dilemma!!

Ironically, although the costume fitting talks of sucking in belly fat and jiggly butts amongst my dancer friends pops up more often than with my daily peers, these dancers eat with more gusto that anyone i know, while my girl-friends are the ones that cringe at the sight of a popcorn.

I would be the one saying fuck it and stuff my mouth with a whole bagfull of caremel coated popcorn goodness and feeling guiltly after.

Its a confusing world to live in to be a girl.

the tiniest package

2010-10-06T00:30:00.004+08:00

the most powerful message comes in the simplest and shortest form.
of course, the way you deliver it, your emotions, soul, passion, matters to.
Like the most elegant wedding ring, sleek and thin, hid in a tiny box big enough to just fit into the palm of a hand, wrapped with the sweetest, yet most mysterious silk ribbon.

This, is the wedding ring of all songs.
Serenade it with soul,
Ain't No Sunshine, by Bill Withers.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.
It's not warm when she's away.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And she's always gone too long anytime she goes away.

Wonder this time where she's gone,
Wonder if she's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away.

And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know

Hey, I ought to leave the young thing alone,
But ain't no sunshine when she's gone, only darkness everyday.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
And this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away.

Anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.

Strippers have feelings too

2010-10-03T22:13:00.005+08:00

Stripping in public comes with the territory of being a dancer. Thus, us female dancers often do the best we can to cover up in between costume changes- tubes, scarfs to wrap around, skirts, and some manouevers, tips and tricks that is too complicated to describe here.

Most often, we share a changing room with the male dancers but changing in front of them is okay- their always gay. if they are not, they're used to it and would do the polite gesture of looking away when we change.

If we're really lucky to be performing in a big arena, the girls would have a seperate changing room from the guys, which is a very rare but nice privilege.

But sometimes, our changing room is a dingy hallway backstage seperated from the kitchen by a divider that hardly shields us from the prying and demeaning eye of kitchen workers. It's like these people have never seen people change and have no decency to at least pretend that they are not looking. Sometimes, they stare at us assuming that we can't see them. When we look back at them in the eye giving them the sting, then they look away. We're dancers, not the blind, you ass. We do the best we can to cover up, but sometimes, sometimes, during dance shows where we have literally 1minute to change into different costumes, we have no time to cover up and just strip hoping that no one is looking. God knows which sad little peeping tom is peeping. They should really get laid, or watch more porn. And go learn some respect.

And then, there are the hotel workers that barges into our changing room without knocking. So we would be in our bras and panty hose shocked, and pissed. "Sorry" they say insincerely and slowly close the door and walk away. DONT YOU KNOW HOW TO KNOCK YOU DIMWIT!? Thank God this doesn't happen too often.

I've learnt to ignore and live in denial about the fact that I might have been visually violated for the longest time. But the last show I had in Sunway Lagoon 2 nights ago went over the top. Seriously, if you have enough money to rent the ENTIRE Sunway Lagoon for your company dinner, you should be able to provide at least one small tent for the dancers to change and rest. Giving us two humongous tables, no chairs, and asking us to change in the wet and dirty toilet, is just ridiculous. PLUS, you requested for back-to-back numbers. HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED CHANGE TO A DIFFERENT SET OF COSTUME IN TIME FOR YOU WHEN WE HAVE TO RUN ALL THE WAY TO THE TOILET AND AVOID THE WET AND DIRT? So, that night, the only thing shielding us from demeaning stares and pervy eyes was a wall, and the skirting of a table. GAAAAHHHH on the bright side, there weren't that many pairs of eyes around. I hope.

If that wasn't bad enough, when we were in our micro minis and halter tops waiting for our number, this guy, that was twice my age, with glasses and a pervy condescending hamsap pepe face had to go"yeah babeh" with a tone that was demeaning-condescending-perverted-disrespectful-shameful-and-whatever-else-adjective-that-the-thesaures-can-translate. Fucking idot just because that wasn't demeaning enough he had to say it twice until one of us notices him. GAAAHHHHH do you know how demeaning that felt? how degrading, belittleing that was. It's the feeling that made feminists such man-haters but you probably won't understand if you're a man. I had half the mind to hire a 50-year-old uncle with gold hair, white singlet, jeans and slippers and a Mr.Potato moustache have have him go "yeah babeh~"at that douche's sister/daughter/wife so he know's how much of a douchebag he is. Now all I need to know where he lives. It should be too hard, I remember his degrading stare. GAAAAH!!

If it wasn't my passion for dancing, I wouldn't be in this business. Dressing up in dresses short enough to show my bum with every step I take does sometime feels like I am objectified. But Im willing to look aside because I love dancing and performing, and it's done in good taste.. and it's not all that bad all the time, we have very nice audience, who gives us a thumbs up and compliments us on our dance even though sometimes we sucked.

Some people just need to learn respect, thats all.
Others, need to watch more porn and get laid so they don't go stupid when they see us change.
or at least go to the beach more often, people prance around in their bikinis and change in public at beaches all the time, right!?

I tried

2010-10-01T13:16:00.002+08:00

hmm blog. what to say, what to write.

If i am not well-known for being from Klang, I'm well know for taking the train, faithfully. I read the paper a coupla months back and came across this article about Penang getting new commuters. I was in pointing it out in jealous awe, 'woah! damn nice la penang got new trains, looks damn canggih somemore!". Brian looked at me, laughed and commented that I am the only person who would give such a envy reaction to KTMs. In fact, I'd be the only one who gives a damn.

For the past few days, all my dates with Mr. Choo Choo Train was delayed. 10 minutes. 30 minutes. 40 minutes. 1 hour. I see 2, 3 trains passed by at the opposite tracks, but there was no sign of mine. I rushed in the early morning to catch the 7.05 train but end up waiting for 30 mins and was late for class. multiple times. I waited an hour for a supposedly empty 3.20 train just to be greeted by a sardine-can an hour later. Add that to a whole day of class and frustrations at a father who can never come on time. Multiply it by one week plus a history of patient waiting.

My patience went chasing after the missing KTM and that was it. Fuck you train I give up. Holding in frustrated tears. I've wasted half my life taken advantage by you. Here on end I'm driving., Sorry Mother Nature.

One thing I can't comprehend is this: why, did you have to extend your routes all the way to Batu Caves when you already have problems sending us to Sentul on time? Now you're time management is worst then ever, and the people, we're more disappointed than ever. Go learn from your brother LRT.

you're such an embarrassment to the country. Always the same excuse: rosak rosak rosak. Maybe I'll come visit you again when your new siblings come from China. End of next year eh? We'll see, you've never been really good at keeping your promises.

sien lo

2010-09-20T23:36:00.003+08:00

first day of back to school and I am back to being not-so-enthused-about-life.
probably it was the awesome work/fun/productive holiday in comparison,
maybe it was the delayed train and bus to campus this morning,
pretty sure its was the sucky and pricey college food,
and could be because of the subject and lecturer that doesn't make sense,
but the first day of back to school was very indescribable, in a not so nice way.

This semester started in August. it is now the end of september and I don't think I have yet to learn anything productive. The subjects so far are a big question mark. Mr Chandra is definately the only lecturer that I look forward to spending a one-hour train/bus ride to see for two hours. In other words, uni is very uninspiring, very very uninspiring. The only thing that is keeping me going is work and dance.

and my mom wonders why I couldnt be bothered about the new college term.
she should come attend a class or two.

and then the bottle breaks

2010-09-05T15:37:00.004+08:00

I can't talk to you
because you're judgemental;
because we're not close;
because you only talk about yourself;
because you don't care;
because you don't understand;
because you have too much on your mind;
because you're too busy;
because I can't trust you;
because you don't listen;
because you're shallow;
because you're too far;
I can't talk to you because I don't know how.

they call it the school of life

2010-09-05T01:24:00.002+08:00

hi.
i learnt two important lessons today. two very unpleasant, but very important lessons.

1. Respect comes from both side.
Dealing with a tight-ass client who's a unprofessional prick but think that he's the best and I'm a nicompoop, has taught me the concept of 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you'. When working with the difficult a--, there were ridiculous terms and conditions that well, to put it blatantly, exploits me. I'd be the schmuck that lose precious time and money everthing were to be done his way. Nobody wants to be the schumck! What do you do in a case like this? So, to have the balance tilt back in your favour, fight fire with fire! He disrespects you, you disrespect him. He jual mahal, you jual mahal. It worked for me! I got things in my favour, sort of.

However (why is there always a however), be warned that the fire tactic comes with risks. Because now, in his eyes you're the bitchy difficult person to work with. Solution? Swallow your pride, fake smiles all around and an insincere ' i'm really sorry for the difficulty caused' even though you don't feel sorry at all and he doesn't deserve the sorry because you were fighting for your rights. An arrogant "It's OK" will emerge from the prick, like you were in the wrong and it was a due 'sorry'. Caution: It will make you feel like bursting into the Hulk and ripping his guts out and wrap it around his bloated head.

Telling youself that you're the bigger person will help sooth the burning rage.

Now i reaaallllyyy understand what people mean when they say 'I'm nice to you if you're nice to me'.

2. We have no right to defend ourselves against people in power.
When arguing with people in power, eg: mum, lectureres, boss, tight-ass clients, etc., 'defending' is 'justifying' and 'justifying' is what guilty people with prickly dispositions do. So no matter what you are accused for not doing is, there is no point in defending yourself and your honour because at the end of the day you are wrong and they are right because face it, who are you? you measly little scum that wouldn't be here if it weren't for me!?

So, being lectured? Just nodd and keep mumm. You don't even have to pay attention to what she/he is saying. You know what? Just let your mind wander altogether. Not listeing to what he/she is saying helps lessens the prickly unpleasent feeling you get at the back of your ribs because you can't defend yourself.

A fake look of since remorse can help shorten the lecture by approximately 5 to 15 minutes.

So boys and girls, the moral of today's lesson is,
there is not fairness in the world,
and
fake sincerity wisely.

Use it, don't abuse it!

i dont like sappy books

2010-09-01T22:21:00.003+08:00

Train times and train waits,
train lates and train wakes,
sit sit sit wait wait wait,
all that time have been spent reading,
and I have finished reading The Zahir by Paolo Coelho.

it was,
not my cup of tea.

If you like all those spiritual journey metaphorical love crap, then yes you should take a gander at this book. If not, stay awaaaayyyyyyy. Paolo Coelho whined alot, in the book. Talking about the same thing again and again. but then again it is suppose to be a book about obsession, thats why he keeps repeating the same lines. tapi, boring sial.

for some reason I have been reading alot of whiny ass books. starting with the dissapointingly horrible Twilight.

I NEED SOME REAL DRAGONS SLAYERS AND BLOOD AND GUSH AND FICTION AND FAIRYTALES DAMNNIT! give me some suicidal virgins and confused hermaphrodites! some hobbits and drugged up musician and 3inch aliens?

i got to stop reading books i find laying around and go get some real books.

Adventures of Gunung Ledang

2010-08-30T01:44:00.006+08:00

Once upon a time, i visited the puteri on Gunung Ledang.
And These are the pictures.

The End.

Thought of the day

2010-08-22T23:17:00.003+08:00

If When the Brickfields Little India dream materializes our Indian community would be proud to have its own version of Petaling Street; Tourism Malaysia would be promoting it madly as a taste of Malaysia Truly Asia, Lonely Planet would happily add another 'must see site' in the marvels of Malaysia, and traveller would have 500 pictures of rich indian culture and be satisfied enough to forgo their trip to India.

and in 5 years, the hawker stalls and shopping malls in Brickfields' pretty Little India would be teeming with working immigrants in every shade of brown and every confusing indian dialect.

but no one will notice that the immigrants have taken up manning the stalls and the local indians around are scarce. (i know i can't tell the difference) And no one, to the government's delight, would complain.

unlike the case with Petaling Street. They should get all the TiongKok Mui to man the stalls instead of some Ane. How ironically funny is it, if the chinese immigrants starts to invade Little India as the Indian immigrants has with Petaling Street! That would be the epitome of 1Malaysia!

Well, thats one thing to look forward to Brickfields! Lets just hope this time around, the construction actually ends on time.

sprout of green in a sea of hay

2010-08-22T00:18:00.006+08:00

The Gods have decided that Mei's-Super-Awesome-Asia Tour will happen in two to three years, 2012. given that the apocalypse decide to postpone it's world domination.

***

dear bookworms

2010-08-18T23:36:00.007+08:00

you people sure didnt see me on 8TV gameshow Whack It a few weeks back kan? how supportive. peh. but don't worry! you can catch it on www.8tv.com.my still, just look for catch up tv, click whack it, and click episode 9. and then have fun mocking me behind my back while secretly wondering if the host's boobs are natural.

***

the only good thing about taking the train is i find time to read, when im not too busy daydreaming.

thus i finally managed to close the chapter on Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl weeks ago (i know im like the last person on earth to read this book). As a novel, its quite a fairly easy read that has the tendency to be rather mundane. The writing is plain and simple, nothing spectacular to note. BUT, but the book becomes a significantly wonderful read when you realize that the surreal life they were living was actually real! The 'wow' factor hits me only during the afterwords, when they wrap up the hanging diary, and unveil how Anne and her family tragically left. No worries, I wont go into details, i know nobody likes a spoiler.

What i'll tell you is that i could very much relate to Anne, her wants and her frustrations, her dreams and her obligations. Finding the balance between her own aspirations and family expectations. Woes of a teenaged girl, oh don't i know it well! The way Anne vented her frustration was like me reading my own diary- comforting, in a way. Though the story ended in pain, it was a undoubtedly a happy ending for me. Anne's zahir of becoming a writer, and living after death came true in way that she could not have imagined. All because of a diary that she keep wholeheartedly. Little did she know that she has became the symbol of all the pain and suffering that Hitler caused, the symbol of strength and courage for all Jews. A diary of a 15 year old girl in solitude, so influential. Who would have ever imaged! I guess the littlest things does make a a huge difference eh?

Literary wise it was average, but still i enjoyed the book till the very end. It gets you thinking, that what this book does.

okay so now im onto my next book The Zahir by Paolo Coelho. Truth be told, im only reading this book because i found it collecting dust in my room. Quarter way through, not too crazy about it yet. So far it's been alot of whining from the main character.

A month ago I predicted the The Girl With a Dragon Tattoo by Steig Larsson, with its immense popularity was surely going to be made into a movie, and guess what, i was spot on! They just casted the female lead. Seriously, Hollywood is running out of original movie ideas. So, that book and her sisters (Girl who Kicked the Hornet's Nest, The Girl who Played with Fire) are going to be on my readlist. Better I digest it now before Hollywood ruins it for me right?

Also looking forward to The Map of the Invinsible World by Tash Aw because i enjoyed the Harmony Silk Factory, and My Mistress's Sparrow is Dead, by Jeffrey Eugenides because he is an AMAZING author, and i want to reread his Middlesex and The Virgin Suicides badly! I highly recommed you to read Mr.Eugenides work because he is a literary genius (chessy yes i know but i love his work!)!

phew, i think i just decided my readlist for the rest of the year.

WHEN WILL I EVER FIND THE TIME TO READ ALL THIS!!

p/s: mei appreciates a good book gift *hint hint* :D

2010-08-10T01:54:00.003+08:00

stop spamming my cbox and stop asking me to visit yours so u can sell me some lame weight lost pills diarrhea pills or viagra please. i don't have a peepee and if i do i dont need pills to make it work. its annoying. your annoying. thank you.

the problem with the 21st century is

2010-07-28T01:17:00.004+08:00

people don't talk anymore.

so i walked into No Black Tie, awesome music by the way, digging the local singer songwriters jazzy tunes, that I am totally in love with by the way, and i noticed, in the midst of the dark room, there was this table beside me with 4 shiny white lights illuminating the table and its guests.

In the table of 6, 3 was texting/tweeting/facebooking on their Blackberries and 2 was playing God knows what game (Angry Birds maybe?) on their IPhone. They looked like they were having a great time, with their phones that is. apparently this is such a common sight, i dont know why am i still baffled by it.

Tell me, what is the point of going out, with the aim to spend time with your friends, if you're just gonna be on your phone chatting with somebody else? Why not just save the money, stay at home, and chat on your phone with me? Wouldnt that save all the hassle and time and money of going out? especially now when petrol's no 5cent candy anymore.

I seriously don't get it. Personally, i get really annoyed when im out with someone, especially if i havent seen him or her in a really long time, and all he/she is busy doing the whole time is chatting with someone else on one of them social networking blogger sites. Lets just save time and chat on facebook! at least i can get your full attention then. It seems kinda rude actually, dont you think so?

that is probably one of the reasons why i dont see the neccessity to own an Iphone or BB. We're already so addicted to the internet, why indulge even more when we can enjoy real OFFLINE COMMUNICATION (wtf) with real people in real nature and surroudings!?

live life in simplicity, thats my motto.

on a side note: i found it really dissapointing, and ironic, and funny that face-to-face communication, the one real people have been practicing for eons have been termed as OFFLINE COMMUNICATION, as if online communcation existed before time. a really wtf moment I had in sem1.

so, the moral of the story is, No Black Tie has really awesome and sincere local acts performing and we should go check it out together one day ok. Just make sure you leave your facebooking and tweeting and msning and whatever else-ing there is at home

thank you.

2 teeths lighter

2010-07-26T15:49:00.004+08:00

these cotton balls fills the gaps in my mouth,
the two friends that my 36(?) pearly whites have came to know have been massacred texas chain saw style,
godspeed old friends, you have been annoying,
i shall never have to deal with your food trappings again.
You were proof for my growing wiser,
but now that you;re gone,
i shall be smarter than wiser,
i shall be wisdomful!

ok i dont know what am i crapping about. all i want to say is my extracted tooth looked blardy and nasty. it looked blardy nasty.

I want to thank man for creating ponstan and anaesthetics, and my uncle for being such as awesome dentist.

because i felt nothing but numbness. and it felt relaxing after a while. except for the horrendous sound.

but still,, why does extracting 2 teeths costs do damn blardy much!?

they say

2010-07-24T00:36:00.004+08:00

the relaxing effects of holidays lasts only 24 hours, before it wears off and you're caught up in real life again.

mine lasted one 45minute train ride.

Nature goodness aside, i guess the best part about perhentian was seriously just getting away.
5 minutes into the hotel room i abandoned my handphone, and then it was 4 days of sand, sun, fishies and friends. It just occured to me that i never once thought about all the crap that fills my head when i'm at home, and that feels damn good. It was just blissful peace and serenity, you know?

reaching home i'm already worrying about all the usual crap and confusion, that i shall not bore anyone here with. I want to do so many things, but there are so many obligations, and so many people to please that are in the way.

can i return to perhentian, can i take a gap year off, can i live a life of a traveller, and not worry about a high paying future?

oh, and i added number 31 to my list of things to do before i die:
31. Asia Tour.

i will kill myself of i ever get a 9 to 5 robotic job. in fact, i should just get a sleeve tattoo so no one will hire me for a 9 to 5 office job. sounds like a plan.

i is tanned.

2010-07-23T00:26:00.002+08:00

perhentian was the shitz, super duper relaxing. makes me wanna live on a beach one day, which i will, one day.

snorkelling, getting up close and personal with the fiishies was just amazing! makes me wanna get my diving license and dive 6 feet under one day, which i will, one day.

but for now, its smack back to reality.

mum: u didnt tell dad your results ar?
me : 3 D's and 1 Credit.
Bro: why your result so bad, you do know you're a scholarship student right?
Dad: ur better stop ur work if its affecting ur results.
me: ...

they said the same thing when i got 2 D's and 2 HD's for my last semester results. to all u people who were envious that i have a scholarship, FML pls.

kthxbye.

me and my big mouth

2010-06-28T02:18:00.003+08:00

fairness in all fairness. who's to dictate what's fair and what isn't?

favouritsm is part and parcel. a forbidden practice, but secretly embraced. And alas the favourites will always shine brighter, though glory is a different matter.

so, should we all be fake suck ups and bask in the glory of a golden seat, or do we remain true and dwell in our frustration of fairness, or the lack of it.

Should we suck up to suck ups just for the extra edge, or do we convince ourselves to make peace with being noble?

do we voice our frustrations with a hint or a moan and fear the repercussions, or do we swallow our anger and trigger the ticking bomb?

I've seen bombs tick and tick away, diffused by an afternoon of moaning and I've seen bombs tick and tick away, till the very last unnerving second where it all blows up.

fairness in all fairness, fairness is a dirty game. and dirty plays well.

are we losing out, taken advantaged, forgetten, misplaced, misstepped, ignored, exploited?
is it worth to double the sweat and triple the effort, just because we play clean?

we convince ourselves that suck ups and fakes will one day be unmasked, and the sweatshops workers will finally shine, but how oftern do fairytales come true?

fairness in all fairness, nothing is fair.

so we should just level the playing field and all be suck ups and brownosers, favourites and pets together.

then maybe fairness in all fairness, fairness is fair.

2010-06-21T01:21:00.003+08:00

I skipped my 20th birthday.

My friend's passing on my birthday really been messing with my mind. too many thoughts about too many things its confusing me.

and i miss Stella.
Stella, she gave me the name The Eternal Optimist. i miss her.

im so glad i am finally going trekking tomorrow. 2day one night trek for me to find solace and clear my mind and get everything straight again.

i need to make changes.
I want to be better.

gunung ledang, hello :)

June 17.

2010-06-17T23:46:00.003+08:00

lots of people asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and i couldnt give an answer because I dont know what i want.. i didnt need anything new, and i dont need anything new..

but ask me again and I'll give all my wishes in the world for Joash Wee and his family to be happy and well back in their home again.

His unfortunate passing came as a really big big big shock to me... I was just getting to know him, and we had a deal to go have burgers so he can prove to me how awesome his burger joint is... but God called him out too early. He was really charming, and a really nice guy who helped a near-stranger with her assignment.. and a really good actor and singer..he was a really good friend, and these are things that I will always remember him by..

21 hours ago he wrote on my facebook wall, wishing me happy birthday and promising to take me out for burgers.. I didnt even get to thank him and now he's gone.

i hope that lorry rott in hell.

I may not have know him well, but these tears that keep rolling down my cheeks are real.

Let his passing not be in vain. A news like that on a day like this, a shocking reminder to cherish live and all its worth, cherish your family and all their quirks. All you people who think your life sucks, shut up and enjoy it while u can.

Joash, i lit a candle in your memory and I will always light on every year today.

Rest in peace.

lets have a moment of silence for Joash, and pray that he and his family gets through this all.

i am

2010-06-02T23:17:00.001+08:00

pissed at the world.

for no good reason.

unexpected advise from a bull

2010-05-31T12:39:00.000+08:00

be sure of what you want, do what you think is right but always listen to other people's advice. dont be too stubborn.

i need a drink

2010-05-30T21:00:00.000+08:00

lifes too short to not get wasted.

2010-05-28T04:07:00.001+08:00

it is not a good sign when u are told that u look tired almost everyday.
i dont feel tired though.
i feel like a tiger that just drank red bull.

or maybe just a buzzed up bee.

2010-05-22T22:59:00.004+08:00

slept off the tired i've been feeling for the past couple of weeks because of the insane workload in one night.

after handing in my assignmnet, i reached home at 6, and died on my mums bed at 6.05.

forgot about dinner.
skipped dance class.
and totally slept through the minum session i was suppose to have with my friend.

im sorry, i was that tired.

woke up at 6.30 this morning, blurred, confused, and felt fucked up at myself.

Pulau Ketam for crosses today. twas fun weyh. loved the cycling around and the reminsicing of childhood kuala selangor trips. Pulau ketam is like Kuala Selangor without the crabs man. damn i miss kuala selangor gotsa get someone to take me there soon! oh and really cheap seafood. so it wasnt mindblastingly yummy but it was decent GOOD seafood. Who can ask for more when they are charging a table for 10 RM150 for6 seafood dishes and one soup man!

it was my cousins wedding today. Like the first thrid generation kid to get married at my mums side. First wedding since iono 30 years or so? so yeah, we're all really happy for Amy. and DAMN she's so pretty when she's dressed up. So guys, never underestimate a plain jane or an 'ugly girl' cause make up artist, hair dressers and a good tailor can do WONDERS!

and my arms are like really obvious tan lines thanks to cycling under the sun in Crab Island. I love it.

and the Director of Strategic Marketing from McCann Erikson came and gave a really good talk the other day. really eye opening. and its making me reconsider ~~advertising~~ Communications Marketing.

i hope Weber Shandwick can come give a talk soon too.. PR yo.

pissed with technology

2010-05-21T15:21:00.003+08:00

one of the crappiest feeling ever is to work (very very) very hard with blood, sweat and tears on a project and not liking the end result.

2010-05-16T01:27:00.002+08:00

zero budget and a sucky video camera = bad quality will be the death of my video making assignment..

boo.

2010-05-10T22:21:00.002+08:00

i am tired.
it is tireing to be tired.

the problem with me is i live on stress. the little adrenalin rush through my head the juggling act, that balancing pole, the plate spinning, the acrobatic stunts, i live on being busy. it somehow makes me feel alive, and useful, and makes me feel like im doing something worthwhile.

I've tried free and easy for one semester. Though it was fun, and relaxing, and i got to go watch movie every week and karaoke every 2 weeks, and i got to spend loads of time with my friends, it made me lazy. very lazy. and when i got to working again at the end of the year, the red hot blood in me pumped though my veins again and i become unnessasarily ambitious, wanting to achieve everything, again.

it has always been like that, it used to be me, and 3 other co-curicullar activities, and dancing. now its me, and 2 other side jobs, and dancing.

its risky, its tireing, its a rollercoaster ride, but hey, im a juggler. I've been juggling all my life.
the key is to prioritize and not lose focus on the main prize.

now i just hope that i can survive this semester as a whole.

2010-05-02T21:28:00.002+08:00

bye bye birdie.

in this case, birdie is my holidays.

and holidays was working days.

let pray home i can wake up to in time to catch the train in time to get to class in time.
i cant even catch the 7.15 train, what more the 6.45.

oh well, i've been going into my 8am class at 8.30 all these while anyways i guess another month or two wont hurt.

Stereophonics rocked my sawks off

2010-04-29T01:26:00.009+08:00

speak up i can't hear you.im deaf in one hear, the other ear is ringing.
my throat is sore,
tired,but I'm super duper satisfied.
Stereophonics was da shit. awesomest shit ever.

my craving for good live music finally fulfilled,
finally got to scream my heart out,guitar pick as a souvenier (used by the band themselves!),
it felt like i was serenaded by 5 hot guys, damn they're hot,
i was only a few feet away from the stage,i got to put my hands up in the air and wave it like i don't care,
it was worth every single 780 cent spent,
the only and perfect holiday I needed from this working "holiday",
stress reliever to the max,maybe its just cause I love the band,

however you want to put it,tonight's concert was supercagefragelistic.

Lead guitarist and backing vocalist Adam Zindani

Lead singer Kelly Jones and Bassist Richard Jones

Drummer Javier Weyler

Far left: Keyboardist Tony Kirkham whom the crowd sang happy birthday to

the band from Welsh, UK came in from their NZ/Aussie Tour

ahhh, I am relaaaaxxeeeddd and happy :)

Now all I have to do is wait for them to come back again!

and you people, go listen to Stereophonics.

I got a guitar pick the band used as a souvenier, Grace got a pick, the set list, and one drumstick ahhah

in between numbers

2010-04-26T23:30:00.002+08:00

we take photos.

UOB Convention Show, Port Dickson.

my fav dance show pic so far,

the problem with

2010-04-22T22:20:00.002+08:00

gameshows is it always look so easy on tv. You know when you watch fear factor or some lame japanese or taiwanese game show you'd be like "aiya so simple also cannot do meh!"or "the answer for UFO is Undentified flying object not Universal flying object stupid!" or "omg just eat the damn thing its not disgusting at all!" and then you start kutuking the contestent for being stupid and incompetent.

please dont kutuk me when you see me on Whack It please. hahaha

you see when you're in the spotlight simple IQ questions suddenly becomes like nuclea physics or something because your mind go blank. and physical games becomes a hike up Mt. Everest when you've been shooting the whole day and you're tired as hell.

so yeah, the Whack it shooting was super fun. and tireing. and messy. but fun.

my team lost :( but its ok, coz we got some freebies too! and the best part was being able to go t through the whole thing with my colleagues although i was on the different team -.- and, I'd rather lose to my girls than some bitchy strangers.

wanna watch me embarress myself on tv wait till june please ok thank you bye.

whack it.

2010-04-20T21:53:00.003+08:00

i am officially going to be a contestent on 8tv's game show Whack it. its a game show about pretty sexy competing against pretty girls for the grand prize. Call me a hypocrite but I just realized that I am supporting a show that objectifies women as sex objects and beauty products. Im sorry but the only thing that was going through my head when i agreed was : fuck it la, its gonna be fun. why not?

so here I am, waiting to go for the Whack It shooting tomorrow.

I didnt mind when they paired me up with 2 strangers, but pitting me against my colleagues is a bit fucked up laaa ... But its ok, my aim was to go have fun humilaiting myself on tv anyways!

so yeah, when the show is out on tv, u can call and tell me how ridiculous i look hahahahah

Life doesn't always go your way....

2010-04-18T23:45:00.003+08:00

like when you want your head hair to grow longer and your pit and leg hair to not grow but the hair on your head takes ages to gain an inch while the follicles in your legs and armpits seem to be over actively producing new stubs every 5 seconds.

life doesnt always go your way.

if its all worth it

2010-04-16T18:44:00.005+08:00

i almost had a heart attack the other day when my laptop stopped working because my table played mine tricks on me. but all's fine now, Dell tech guy came and fix Wanda up, her RAM was messed up thats all. but now, Wanda has a battle scar on her shiny new face. im sorry Wanda, we'll get u a new bag real soon kay!

***

at the risk of sounding snooty, i work hard, really really really hard in school. I work so hard to a point where for the last 2 weeks, all i did was go to college, come home, do homework and go to work and sleep. I stayed home last 2 Fridays Saturdays and Sundays just to finish the shit loads of assignments. All i did, think and live was assignments. I didnt go out with my friends. damn effing no life ok. Its depressing. but its ok,'i tough it out coz i know i have to score coz if i dont my scholarship will be revoked and we have no money to send me to a good college and i will have no friends and i cant get a good job and i become lonely emo friendless girl living on pity alms from people on the sidewalk and i will go crazy and become the crazy lady with 72cats.

I work really hard. but 'my bosses' choose not to see that. Somehow they only seem to notice me when i go out with my friends, especially at night. or when I do my dance shows. and thats only once in a very long while since college's been a bitch lately. So, at the very off-chance that i do hang with my friend, or when i go to work and show, they start to complain about me going out too much till too late. They start questioning me if my homework is okay, if I have time to do my work, asking me to cut down on this and that or it will affect my studies and all that crap that just makes me wonder 'hello? have you not seen me being anti social for the past 2 weeks locking myself under homework arrest?'. Im 19, i need friends and a break from school. being. in. a. room. alone. for. too. long. will. make. me. kill. myself.

the worst part is when i really answer with something like "i finished this much of work today ok" mum will be like 'why you feeling guilty is it?", dad will go "yameh? so guai meh!". They meant it jokingly and they think its funny, but its not. My bro's the ultimate champion.

bro: so what did you get for your results?
me: A2s and A1s lo.
bro: what happened to the A2? why didnt get A1?

just imagine how i feel after that. after all that slaving. one word. fml.

don't get me wrong, mum dad bros do let me live my own life. they're awesome and supportive and all that but sometimes, at days like this, i just wonder if its all worth it. I see my friends only aiming to pass, they do less the work and have twice the fun that i do. I've beeen trying so hard to prove my worth to them since High School but all they say is a 'good job' and its back to me being a juvenile. They kinda don't trust me, thats one thing. I'll always be a kid. Im almost 20 and dad still think im 18. last year, i was 15.

I dunno.. sometimes i just feel like a fool for working so hard.

my room is green

2010-04-12T21:51:00.004+08:00

sometimes, i love it how you don't feel tired at all, and in fact more alert, when you only got 2 hours of sleep the night before.

but why, when you've had like a nice, proper 7 hours of sleep you wake up feeling tired faster?

just realized i haven't had a nice, long, comfortable sleep and wake up with that happy cozy feeling in a very long time.

maybe cause my room is so stuffy and hot and dusty that i go to sleep sweaty and i wake up sweaty and sitting here right now is just making me sweat. so much so that my blankets are feeling neglected.

in fact, my whole house is a freaking oven. believe me, dont come here in the afternoon. panas giler babi ok.

why did my house have to be right smack in front of a main road la??? mum offered me an air-cond, coz we have an extra one sitting in the store room somewhere, but i said no. why? because air cond kills the environment omg what was i thinking i could have been rolling in sweet cold slumber right now

Good food

2010-04-11T21:18:00.003+08:00

God knows everyone on earth loves good food. and yes, while the definition of delicious differs from palate to palate, all of us roughly have the same taste on whats yummy or plain, good or bad, heavenly or just plain disgusting.

If there's one thing I don't get, is how people judge yumminess not based on the taste of the food, but the brand of the shop. Give them a banana fritter bought from a shopping mall and a banana fritter bought from pasar malam and they'd say the store bought banana fritter tastes better. even if they taste the same. just because its bought from some fancy store.

I don't know bout you but I personally prefer my nasi lemak from the kakak that sells rm1.50 packets beside a road under the coconut tree and not from some lame-ass air conditioned commercialized franchise pretending to be an upscale coffee shop. Just because its ~~overcharged~~ more expensive, doesn't mean it tastes better. But that's just me.

I'm not saying all store bought food are bad, nor am I saying all road side food are better. (though i really do prefer my hawker stalls). All I'm saying is people, food tastes good because its cooked well, not because the brand is better! and that goes for clothes, shoes, and everything else too.

I'd take a Ramly burger over McDonald's any day.
Speaking of which, I haven't had in ages.

Time for a Ramly!

sorry, tree.

2010-04-11T00:03:00.002+08:00

there this one palm tree-ish kinda plant by my front gate that refuse to grow. His twin is already as tall as me, but he stopped growing a couple years ago.

maybe i shouldnt have driven over him with my wira.

the colours; i miss them too

2010-04-07T21:53:00.003+08:00

seeing them again was the most sweetest, warmiest feeling today :) i almost did not want to leave.

I thought my kids would have forgotten about me by now but boy was i wrong! my little impromptu surprise at the kindy made them so excited, i miss the sound of them calling me Teacher Mei.

the girls were giggly at my sight, and kept telling me how much they miss me...
they kept asking when am i coming back to teach them.
i did not know how to answer.

Gavin, the one brattiest-ADD-back talking-intelligent-adorablely-lovable-problematic boy then i've came to have a special bond with during my 3 month tenure shut down completely. For the first time ever, he sat there quietly and ate his noodles without a single sound. he wouldnt even look at me. I guess he just didnt know how to react after not seeing me for 2 months. He even hid his face away in his arms when i sat beside to talk to him. after minutes of coaxing, the cutest thing happen- he came to sit in my lap, quiet for a few seconds, and then suddenly started talking excitedly about their trip to the Vitagen factory. and then the jolly old Gavin that i knew so well returned- asking me all the questions under the sun.

oh how i miss them sitting in my lap.

and i was almost jealous not being there at the Vitagen factory with them.

my boss just texted me, saying Adriana cried when she told her mom at home about meeting me in school. the poor girl. i feel bad for leaving, really.

its nice to know that im missed and that i've played a part of their lives, even if it was the tiniest. Its nice to know that they appreciate me, cause teaching in a kindergarden is really tiring! and yes, i appreciate them too, cause they've played a big part in my life as well..

what can i say? 3 months in the kindy was seriously draining, low pay, irrelevant to my studies and my boss was kinda squeezing us dry, but the kids made it an wonderful experience :)

the memories,
they're heartwarming, thats what it is.

i scribbles

2010-04-06T22:20:00.004+08:00

so school's been pretty busy, what with the crazy amounts of assignments and all. I really don't mind the work but it gets depressing after a while when your only answer to friend's "what you doing" is "assignments".

who knew sem 2 would have twice the workload compared to sem 1. freaking blogposts. ok yeah so yeah i was prepared for sem 2 to be crazier then sem 1, but still its gonna be a challenge especially with my new work schedule and all. so far my no procrastination resolution is erm, resolutionized. haahha

I start work with 8tv again tomorrow. I've had a nice one month break while they sorted out some issues and now that everything is sorted out, I am coming back to the streets yo! sorry, me trying to sound ghetto just doesnt work. anyways, the new work schedule is wacked. its double the time and hours then a month ago, which is making me worry coz God forbid my studies get disturbed. I really looking forward to get back to work but not so much the driving up and down round and about everyday! and it also means that my dancing shows and all has to be cut cut cut cut down :( well at least i've had my fair show of shows last month :) No worries, college always comes first, everything else revolves around assignments, as my mum, dad, and brothers wont stop reminding me.

which leads me to another point! being the youngest in the family means extra pressure from your older siblings so you people who have little bros and sis go easy on them kay! and you guys out there thats the youngest, I FEEL YOUR PAIN! but still, i love my bros coz one feed me buffalo wings and the other feed me well, crudely speaking, money. so remember, always feed your siblings food.

and, i pretty certain my dogs are gay. or at least bisexual. i have 3 male dogs- Floppy, Bibi, and Puppy. Puppy wont stop humping Floppy. and, the pigeon died. COZ FREAKING PUPPY BIT HIS HEAD AND INJURED HIM. stupid dogs. and the fishtank in the living room went beserk, broke, and 6 fish died. my grandpa is gonna flip at the sight of missing fishtank when he returns from Medan.

R.I.P dear pigeon and fishies.

bye.

i feel like a car ride with Micheal Buble

2010-04-05T13:21:00.002+08:00

on days when you feel doubtful,

helpless,

unwanted,

and only second best,

Dr Tran, Foamy, and Pablo Francisco seems to be the only consolation to make you smile.

hmm, time for some Youtube.

I feel like doing something stupidly drastic that I'll regret later. Like shave myself bald or ....

on another note, Micheal Buble can serenade me anytime. hot damn the man has a voice that'll make you melt! If he ever comes to Malaysia, I'll be that girl holding the "Will You Marry Me" sign.

jum beer under the stars and planes over our heads anyone?

Guess who's this?

2010-03-24T01:57:00.002+08:00

guess who got arrested (10thousand years ago when hippies were still in fashion) for a traffic offense!

this is here just because i find this so rib-ticklingly adorable :)

he looks so happy to have his picture taken by cops!!

guess, and i'll answer you next week !

Walt Disney, not so innocent.

2010-03-22T01:08:00.003+08:00

first they teach kids that nudity is fine- where is mickey's shirt? and donald's pants? WHY IS DAISY HALF NAKED!? am i the only one concerned about this?

then, they become sexist. WALT DISNEY IS EFFING SEXIST OKAY!

if you cant read, this is a letter from HR rejecting a women;s application to work as a cartoon artist because she is well, a women. AND this is written by a women.

Walt Disney brainwash us with stereotypical images and characters of female, and male.

so disney is telling me that a woman's only worth is her beauty, and her happiness relies on Prince Charming? So this maybe a little too extreme, there are a little bit more to the disney princesses that is being said here but still, it is very true that Disney Cartoon stereotypes female. All they Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty do is clean the house and serve people, as if its the best jobs in the world! try scrubbing the floors while happily singing a tune, that'llmake your day. And have you ever heard these princesses said anything intelligent except: "Oh, when will my prince charming come?" or "Oh! what a mess!". Even the tough and smart ones - Ariel (little mermaid), Wendy (from Peter Pan, Mulan) are still insanely thin and beautiful and at the end have a happily ever after because of a boy.

Boys are not let of the hook to, unfortunately. honestly, no one really cares about the boys, coz, they have hardly any character in the movie, we dont even know his name.

can u guess the answer? haha

Okay so this is more applicable to the more traditional Walt Disney Movies. The new ones like Shrek and Enchanted do use this gender stereotype that they themselves have created as a joke and satire. But still, how many more films out there still stereotype their men and women? ALOT. and i'll happily name you some and elaborate more on this matter when i have the time.

oh Disney, and u made such great cartoons.

2010-03-20T23:41:00.004+08:00

my dad is missing an apendix.

i was a waitress, a masked model, an egyptian, and a mermaid today.

and now, i is tired.

fuck shit my laptop is taking forever to come. stupid dell.

i shall procrastinate and do my work tomorrow.

damn i miss that fruit shop in PD.

bye.

2010-03-06T00:20:00.002+08:00

my bro just came back from Singapore.
its nice to have him back.

tapi,
i stress.

no seriously.
tension.

big grey and leathery

2010-02-27T22:56:00.005+08:00

baby elephants are hairy,
big elephants poops hay,
they weren't all that scary,
but they ruined the babies day.

the elephants trunk goes on and on,
it's skin a leathery coat,
they seem to growl when they yawn,
they'll never be able to float.

bananas peanuts watermelon hay,
they're fed day after day,
big elephants' trunks vacuums and sucks,
the babies' just twist and sway.

elephants are cute all the more no less,
i sat on one of their backs,
one fine day the water i'll test,
i'll be back to clean their plaques!

inspired by the gentle elephants of the Kuala Gandah Elephant Sanctuary, Pahang.

its small, but it means something

2010-02-27T22:29:00.003+08:00

heyya, :)

to mark the end of Chinese New Year,
the start of March,
the end of my Kindy job,
the official unofficial confirmation of mah new job,
the end of my holidays,
and the start of college!
the adieu of late night mamak sessions,
and the depressing continuation of train rides,

I here by cross out number 3 and number 23 off my 100thingstodobeforeidie list!

~~3. go vegan for 30 day~~
~~23. teach in a school~~

dear,
sofiah, so sweet and darling;
kaushal, who loves his colouring;
gavin; the brat you cant stay mad at;
farisha, who's still confused at counting;
afiqah, so rough and hardworking;
wan syara, who never ever competes;
adriana, her smile so sweet;
manimaran, who cant really speak;
and
zhikry, the brightest and quiestest of them all;

you're probably gonna forget about me in a couple of weeks,
but you will be missed!

love,
Teacher Mei.

this has been one hell of a holiday :)

15 days of

2010-02-19T01:58:00.004+08:00

all the eating all the drinking all the gambling all the going out till late night with your friends all the noise all the fireworks all the money without the guilt.

its good to be chinese.

happy chinese new year, again!

when you have no plans for CNY,

2010-02-16T19:41:00.003+08:00

you buff your grandpa's nails (if you know my grandpa, you'd be shocked at his willingly volunteering and his excitement),

you put fake eyelashes on your mum and aunt,

and you get your hair braided by your aunt and cousin's gf!

happy chinese new year everyone!

get fat, get prosperous!

i look like a

2010-02-10T22:07:00.004+08:00

hooker. a hot one though. with no boobs hahahaha

yes, i perasaan

i love this pic to bits.

this has been very exciting!

i told her no lala hair

2010-02-02T20:21:00.003+08:00

and this is what she gave me!

there goes my virgin black hair but im definitely loving this look! mum doesn't like it but she's never liked any changes i've made to myself anyways

my first hair colour, so whaddya think?

I love my hair yes i do! I love my hair how bout you! this is the first time m getting so excited over hair omg i feel like such a girly girl
slap me
SLAP ME NOW!

trippin on the beach trip

2010-01-31T23:18:00.005+08:00

PD.12 pm and we're drinking. 7 eleven. chill. mexican food. bob marley. smokeables. fruit shop. beer. Superhuge Special Dutch Lager Beer. hot pink girl. hot family. happy annoying chinese lalas. B-2-8. the feel of sharpie on paper. feeling lazy. relax. feeling too lazy. mocktails. low tides. nilai. piggy. tanning session. no water, all we had was coke, beer, and soya bean. sea breeze in my face. obscenely huge fishes. penyu that look like a bird, birdyu. rabbits. people in blue. family gatherings. we need to crash a wedding one day. cactus virgin. your drawings. alcohol stories. rendam air. "sad dissapointing chinese girls! dress up like you're chinese!".

we never wanted to leave.

sunday night and i felt like crepe

2010-01-31T22:06:00.005+08:00

so i made some.

homemade (burnt) chocolate chip crepes with golden honey drizzle

and this was the one that got away

see them crusty black bits? yeah those are the chocolate chips that didn't survive the heat.

i know how it looks like, but trust me, it didnt suck badly. it was good and edible!

Crepes brings back loads of childhood memories.. Mom used to make them at night for supper and i would help her in the kitchen. She'd be measuring and I'd be sieving the flour, and then we'll fry it together.. when its done and ready and its late at night, i would yell up the stairs and my brothers, sometimes dad too would come down and gobble up the fresh warm crepes while mom makes us hot milo. the best part was breakfast the next morning, I was always so excited to have crepes for breakfast from the leftover batter...

Mom stopped making these pancakes after awhile, and it was long forgotten, tucked in a little corner of my memory vault. It all came out again mid year, the week before I left US. It was the last time i had crepes, bro was in high gear and made them for breakfast. my roommates, my brother and i, yummy warm crepes in the cool cozy apartment while it snows ourside.

this time, i made the crepes independently. moms out, brother's out. but making, tasting, and thinking about crepes is just blissful nostalgia.

the next time i think about crepes, i will not only think about my yesteryears with mom, or my US bond with bro.. I'd think about my grandpa giving me a thumbs up for my first try of making crepes tonight.

:)

45 minutes late

2010-01-26T23:38:00.003+08:00

on the first day of training/work.

thanks to the rain that stormed and blew like nobody's business just when i wanted to leave excitedly. They rained on my parade, literally. Funny enough it only rained in Klang, roads after the second toll was dry. I'm starting to believe that Klang IS a country by itself. not.

First day of training as an 8TEAM member was pretty fun! we go to hang out spots and play with the crowd giving away freebies! It seemed like a pretty easy task y'know, just hanging out and having fun with random strangers.. the trainers made it look super easy and super fun. but when it was us trainee's turn to take the stage, wooh! lemme tell you, keeping a mixed (and confused) crowd that does not know anything about what you are promoting interested in you is not an easy job!

and it doesn't help when your trainer is so scary strict it makes you tension. being 45 mins late doesnt help with the goof first impression either.

i underestimated the job. but, it was only my first try kan? I'm bound to only get better! :)

for now its 7 days unpaid training, and they'll either hire or fire me at the end of training. Very ala The Apprentice eh?

unpaid training. i payed 11 bucks for parking. 3 for toll. (lemme be chinese for a moment!)

i believe, this is going to be so worth it.

its been a long day so good night people! I have 5 year old kids waiting for my nurturing tomorrow morning!

lets dream lullabyes shall we?

i'd fail at being in cognito

2010-01-25T20:07:00.008+08:00

Me being

African

Amazonian

English

Chinese

Vegas

Malay

Japanese

Korean

Me being me.

Malaysian

Me.

firsts of firsts and another first

2010-01-20T23:37:00.002+08:00

she's limping, dad say's pigeon's leg is broken. its been 2 days and she's still grounded. Uncle havent take a look at her yet, he's a vet see.

here's to hoping she takes flight soon. :)

the kindy's good, the kids says hi, if they actually know who you are! the only problem i have with working is, like all other jobs are, the boss. The boss who asks for more than what she is offering, who is giving too much extra not to mention last minute work, and the boss who is asking for too many unrecorded overtime work. the teaching is actually fun and fulfilling! but everything else that I'm not supposed to do part is a pain.

here's to hoping i can tough it out another one and a half month happily. :)

and now, for the exciting news!!

sent my resume in to 8tv a couple weeks ago to work, obviously. and i got a call. the guys goes "Hi, this is Kumar from 8tv! you sent in a job application the other day right?" I go excited. then he goes "this is not about the job" and I go, dissapointed. He asked me to be a participant on one of them wacky game shows but i was too bummed that i gave him a tentative no. I know right, I should have just say yes and go on tv!

but thats ok, cause when I figured i didnt get the job, at the most unsuspecting and expecting hour, i got a second call from 8tv, and got the interview! wentto Sri Pentas today for the very first time, registered my car, went to the lobby, up the 3rd floor, past walls and walls of 8tv posters, out to the balcony, and had my interview under the clouds.

i was sweating quite abit, not because of the nerves, but because it was so warm out. the interview went well, it was brief and casual, the lady was nice and friendly.

so for nows, I will be going for a week's unpaid training here and there and everywhere. and then they'll decide if Im cool enough to be on the team. (shhh... but we know i secretly am!)

here's to hoping I get the job! *stoked*

she squirmed in pain

2010-01-19T01:09:00.003+08:00

saved a flightless pigeon from the doors of death today.

she was finding solace and shelter in a dim corner.

oh so cute.

shes sleeping with the chickens, caged away from my 3 doggies and their merciless teeth.

here's to hoping she regain flight and embrace the clouds again.

radioactive romance

2010-01-11T23:38:00.004+08:00

2.15pm.
Ms Ford came into the room, with a secret sinister smirk on her face.
"I want you guys to put all your phones on my table" she said, and then there was muffled pitter patter of feet across the carpet floor, the cold sound of metal against metal as phones departed half-heartedly from the owner's fingers.
Everyone was now seated quietly, some staring at Ms Ford with confusion, the others, at their phones. By now, Ms Ford's sinister smile was no more secretive. "I want to try this new Media Studies experiment with you guys. Tonight, I am going to take all these phones home with me. Lets try a day without using handphones shall we? And see how we turn out, it shall be quiet an experience for all you phone junkies."
A wave of objections flooded the classroom. "But miss! no! Thats my alarm clock!" "I need to call my mum to pick me up!" Everyone was upset and unwilling, I smiled. During the end of the class Ms Ford asked who was only thinking about their phone throughout the whole class, half of the class raised their hands. She smiled, and returned us our phones. Dang, I was so looking forward to the experiment!

Phone Dependency Syndrom. It might be a term i just made up, it might be called something else idontknow. But what i do know is it exists. The feeling of helplessness when your phone is out of battery or when you left it at home. You feel incomplete without your phone, like part of you is missing, like you're not wearing underwear, naked. You reach in your pockets every 5 minutes to check your phone only to be met with lint and you're restless. You can't wait to go home asap just to check your inbox. Phone Dependency Syndrom.

How pathetic is it that we are all controlled so much by a simple device. Like zombies. We worship them so much a few decades later when Iphones are super smart we might as well just bow down to them and let them be our wordly leaders.

I personally despise to be so attached and dependent on a phone. I hate having to check it every 10 minutes for new messages I hate having to have it beside me everywhere i go even when im moving between rooms at home I hate being so relient on it. So i dont. I dont really check it every 10 minutes, i dont realy carry it around when im at home. It feels inconvienient when i leave my phone at home but Im so glad that i definately dont have Phone Depencey Syndrom. Well, I probably do slightly but way less then most! In fact, i like not having my phone with me, sometimes. I remember once i left my phone in a friend's car and didnt have it with me the whole day. Gosh, for once, it felt like freedom. It was blissfully refreshing! And I miss that feeling of emancipation. (but replying all the message and missed calls was a pain though)

Sometimes i dream about living life as an Amish. Not having to depend on technology at all. Maybe thats also why i love going into the wild so much. Out there, I dont need my phone with me, i dont need the internet or my ipod. To just enjoy the bare neccessities in life. Too bad, so sad, the realities and responsibilities of life somehow made this luxury into a necessity. Miss a phone call and there goes your social and/or professional career. To me, phones (and facebook!) are like that annoying catcy tune stuck in your head. You hate the song but its too catchy or in this case too fun and convieniet to not be addicted to it!

a twig and fresh cement

2010-01-07T23:47:00.005+08:00

in 2009 i

went halfway around the world without getting lost.
survived US.
skydived.
cooked a full meal.
got sick and tired of working in restaurants.
got myself a scholarship.
found a family <3.
let go of old friends.
found a true friend in an old relationship
learnt the meaning of a true friendship.
tasted love.
worked as a Kindy teacher.
pole danced.
had my first international-skype interview.
got kicked out of a bookshop by high hippies.
snucked into bars with a korean passport.
tasted speed on a snowboarded without breaking myself.
learnt the real weisin.
tasted second hand weed.
made my mum cry.
made my parents proud.
lost myself.
had fun.
had the most humiliatingly embarrassing dance performance.
hijacked a car and made it mine.
lost 2 phones, 2 touch and go cards, and one perfectly new water bottle.
got laughed at for mistaking an auto for a manual.
spent 2010 new years in Melaka.
spent 2009 new years alone.
spent Chinese New Year away from home, and in a hospital.
learnt to love Malaysian food.
got fat-er.
got inspired.
tasted almost-freedom. for a short while.
learnt how to drink.
caught a snowflake on my tongue.
slept alot.
became unmotivated and lazy.
lived the dream.

in 2010 i will

be more environmentally friendly. (a metal spork in mah bag, and no plastic bags!)

go Meatless Mondays! and eat more healthily.

not procrastinate. or at least, procrastinate less.

stay motivated.

bring back the jist.

go on an adventure!

get better at dancing.

spread the holy name of Mei across the waters.
hahhahhahaaahhaha -.-

happy 2010 people!
may your year be as awesome as you let it to be!

hey.. better late then never right!?
thanks for actually reading my posts.
the fact that you people actually bother to read amazes me!

paper glass against flourescent neon lights

2010-01-06T23:24:00.010+08:00

Grandpa 2009, you've served us well, Thank you for the months, days and minutes well spent.. rest in our blissful memories, and be assured that baby 2010 will give us as much fun and experience as you've given!

2009, what a year it was! one full of new experiences, new friends, and great achievements!

***

Chapter 1: Setting Up Camp.

She started the year with a confused sleepy blur, fresh from the plans with cabin breath, gracing Vail, Colorado USA with anxiousness, and a whole lot of awesomeness! She didnt know what to expect for the next few months in a foreign land, she didnt expect to expect anything. There was too much of getting used to, the bone chillin winter cold, the topsy turvy time difference, the alien accent on difffernt lips, so, she decided to just be like a bear, and hibernate the first few days of 2009 away.

It was a whole new firsts for her. 3 transits, one missed flight, and 24 hours on a plane was the first of firsts that kept her confidence. Through the months, naive and confused as she was, she survived independent life in US: she saw another side of her brother that she loved, she talked to strangers, she met new friends from all over the world, got the fucking of a lifetime for sneaking into bars with a fake passport, she got drunk, she learnt how to snowboard without killing herself (although she almost did), and she jumped off a plane.

US was one helluva ride! but work was work, money was an issue, and ugh, work, was work. She loved going into work to talk to the customers, and snatch some free food! After bussing tables, breaking glasses, sitting guests and making coffee for months, she finally step out of Vail Marriot Mountain Resort and Spa a different woman for the very last time.. giving a grateful hug to her lovely manager Vanessa and giving fake pleasantries to the boss that was more of less, a pain in the ass.

From then on, it was airport to airport as she and her brother boy enjoyed the fruits of their hard sweaty labour in Vegas, Los Angeles, and San Francisco! And then , plane flights to plane flights back to sweet land of Malaysia, that she missed heartedly.
Big mess up on the way home. Note to self: always check the AMs and PMs on the flight itinerary!

US, was an experience of a lifetime for her. Though it was only months ago, it felt like a chapter closed far far away... She was in places she never thought she would be, doing things she never thought she would do. Stepping back into Malaysia, she tasted so much, saw too many, most important of all, she learnt to love Malaysia even more!

***

Chapter 2: Mounted Flag at the top of the Summit

Through the months before and during and after US, she was frustrated. Not only frustrated at the frustration of visa procedures, she was worried about college. The age old questions and puberty-stricken teens got sick and tired off: where the fuck am i going to study? What the fuck am i going to do?

But it was all answered in August. Thank Heaven's mercy that she got practically free admission to spent the next three years of her life as a Comm Student with Taylors. It solved a whole lot of problems: where to study was crossed of the list, and not spending her mother's EPF on tuition fees was a good thing. Though reluctant as first (Taylors wasnt her first, second, nor third if given a choice), she grew to absolutely love the school. Mainly, and only because she found herself bonded in the midst of colourful characters that is the Berry family!

AppleBerry she became, and she was here to stay.

Relunctance resided, she then geared up and set determination to conquer and prove her priceless worth.

***
Chapter 3: A Little Taste of Everything.

There was alot of bumming around in between holidays. Between ending an adventure and staring a new identity, she bummed around at home for months. She just didnt want to do anything but dance.While the bees buzzed about her head and the mushroom grows, She got so sick and tired of fossilfying at home but she just couldn't bring herself to do anything else. Maybe she was so focused on dreading Taylors, maybe she was just so tired from finishing chapter one, or maybe she was so rusty at dancing that it was all she could think of. Either way, she couldnt help herself but be unproductive. Even when the first weeks of Uni finally crept in, she stayed away from the busy clubs and societies that she usually frequent. She looked at herself in the mirror and despised the person she grew into, the jist was gone.

The end of semester one came along with 3 months of nothingness. For reasons that she herself couldn't comprehend, she gave up priceless opportunities to intern at magazines, radio or tv studios, and instead, landed herself at a Kindergarten, working as a Kindy teacher to sweet, innocent, bratty 5 year olds.

For all the amount of work she's contributing, even show monkeys earn more peanuts than her. Its like, exploitation! It's all about the kids, she tells herself, its all about the experience!

and that was what 2009 was all about, the experience. I was reluctant to do US, i was reluctant to start Taylors but it was well worth the misery. Believe me, it was a vibrant year, like paper glass against fluorescent neon lights. I slid down all 7 colours of the rainbow slide, basking in each of its golden glory...

P/S: the jist is not gone, it was just deep inside, recharging!

now tell me, is it annoying to listen to someone talk about themselves in the 3rd person?

squares are for squares

2009-12-29T22:34:00.003+08:00

hiya! im typing on my new old laptop! courtesy of my fabulous Aunt Lily (who always happen have a spare handphones and/or laptop when i needed one)!

it works fine!
its square.
it doesnt have WiFi.
hence, its old.
its a Twinhead.
its heavy.
ITS SQUARE!

have u ever seen a square laptop!? i have not! its always rectangular! even the annoyingly tiny ones are rectangular! call me ulu-jakun-kampung-whatchamacallme but i am typing on a square laptop! im just flabbergasted! its square!

show me a triangular laptop and i'll be your kangaroo.

caught in between dreams

2009-12-29T00:33:00.005+08:00

is going to rewatch big bang theory again. a show about nerds that never gets old! now i want that theme song in my phone anyone has it?

how can something so wrong feels so right. will guilt or guilt triumph?

i cant stand the sight of my disgustingly disgusting blogskin already tried changing for the past 4 hours but its not working any volunteers?

I could have done better.

it was never girls night out, its always guys night out, and Mei. aren't u all used to it already.
good thing about that is less bitching and more chilling.

the closest thing i have to a girlfriend is Du just cause he has shinier nails then me and Ju just cause he bitches more than anyone else that i know.

2009 has been such a great year i cant believe its ending already.

the kindergarden is boring and empty when the kids are not around.

hopefully, a new second hand laptop by tomorrow. wishes that this one actually works properly.

mum went to singapore and came back with a whole bunch of hand me down clothes by my bro's girlfriend. a couple of cool dresses too. when will i ever wear them.

i have an affinity with second hand products. even my bed is third hand.

the joys of being the youngest child.

mum and dad keeps forgetting to get food for breakfast. we have nothing to eat.

hmm, bread. om nom nom.

2010.

thinking about vail. misses vail. needs to do another Vail.

people still think im studying in US. everyone assumes that i will be studying somewhere exotic and expensive, somewhere not malaysia.

Obama did not deserve that Nobel Prize, at least not yet. if they're gonna give Nobel Prizes to peple based on what they've said they might as well give one to Anwar.

why are you suddenly such a stranger. oh yeah, thats why. now stop it, coz you're hurting me.

ouch.

ambiguity is the name of the game.

jealous?

.

this has been another random thought session, with Mei.

chilled christmas

2009-12-26T16:01:00.005+08:00

mum and dad is away at Singapore for the holidays..
they've been gone for 2 whole days! returning soon though, in a couple of hours..
im in mum's room, cuddled in the bed, the tv on, laptop in my hands, enjoying the silence (and nag-free freedom) while it lasts..

this could possibly be the best xmas gift they've given me ever! nyahaha

had the most soothingly comforting chilling Christmas with my favouritest people yesterday!

breakfast with Julian with yum yum yummy bak kut teh,
a walk in the park with yum yum yummy Zac,
and a chillout night with and sudden trip to the lake with yum yum yummy beers, courtesy of Abdu and the company of cinderella Chee Yong.

we could have enjoyed the beers while watching planes fly but noooooooooo, cinderella had to be home on time. i guess LCCT will have to wait till the next time then.

is it pointless to have so many inside jokes in my posts that no one but me will ever understand? given the fact that the people that will acutually understand the jokes dont read blogs. at least not mine!

2009-12-24T22:19:00.001+08:00

merry christmas,

i hate my blog.

the skies the limit

2009-12-20T16:05:00.003+08:00

underestimate yourself and inconfidence defeats you.

overestimate yourself and you stay in the same stagnant loop over and over again. (plus it makes you an arrogant bitch)

so what do you do?

keep in balance? to always keep yourself in a neutral standpoint? then how do you assess yourself, how do you strive to get better?

Judimar Hernandez, whom i had the honor to learn contemporary dance from says to always live on the edge. well maybe those were not her exact words but she did say the word 'edge'! She says you should never feel comfortable when you're dancing. never stay in the comfort zone. just when you feel like you've got the hang of it, stretch those legs a little longer bend a little lower lift yourself a little higher! and thats how you'll improve. you should always feel like you're on the edge, cause when you push yourself over what you taught was your limit, you exceed your own expectations, and thats when you improve. stay in the comfort zone and you can only be that good while everyone else overtakes you.

wise words from a dancer, and I think it relates to everything else in life.

Confidence is the booster ; Humilty is the driver.
When you're confident, you feel good, you do good. and it shows. But humilty keeps you in check, it drives you to be better, forces you to learn from others and yourself. and you're surprise when you discover that you can do much much more. It'll be one of those amazingly-puzzling "WOW I can do that???!!!" eureka moments! like when superman discovered he had laser vision.

We are all better then we think we are.
Potential is the hidden gem waiting to be unearthed.

saturated

2009-12-13T01:40:00.004+08:00

3 hours of cycling and 5 hours of dance i'm tired off my feet!

bukit cahaya was fun i miss the place so much! much needed exercise for us. seeing that after form 5 all our stamina went down the drain..... except for basnojj coz he's kiat like that.
it was good to meet the juniors too, although it was for only a short while, i miss them even more...

met the most unexpected person at the dance workshop today i couldn't believe my eyes! who would have taught he, of all people, is majoring in dance! i. am. so. jealous. i wish i could just screw the priorities and responsibilities for once and drop all and just, dance.

i learnt how to toy with gravity.

im so grateful i can speak mandarin.

another hectic rushy morning tomorrow.. gotta go in the Kindergarden before 8, decorated my classroom with the miserable measly stuff that i've painstakingly made with my own 2 hands, open day starts at 9, gotta leave and get to Bukit Tinggi by 10, leave for KL and start dancing at 11!

i needs to sleep.
nights!

what a meaninglessly sucky post.

They love coloring

2009-12-11T23:15:00.004+08:00

I already had 2 days of playing the character of Teacher Mei, the sweet, nurturing, patient yet strict at times teacher to 10 or so kindergartners. *gags*

There is Kaushal, a 5 year old boy that's smart and unabashed, and gives the correct roar to a lions voice, rather polite and obedient too.

There's Arif, the sweetest and cutest looking little angel that melts my heart everytime i see his smile. Quite and shy, bound to grow into a dashing young man.

There is Sophia, loves running, and a rather brave little girl!

there's Batricia who still gets confused with her colours, but likes holding on to our hands time to time, pulling us to wherever she goes. She's slow and meticulous when she colours, but she does a very god job!

There's Jia Chun, little 2 year old who wouldnt let go of mummy the whole time. When he got used to playing around, mummy secretly left, and he sulked and cried and looked out the front gate the whole time. I spent my first day coaxing him, but failed terribly.

and then there's Gavin. a headache. listens to you when he wants to, when he doesnt want to, he'll be doing his own thing ignoring all you have to say. Likes include eating (alot) and money. He pretends to smoke in class, sit and walks abit like gangster, very cute and amusing, but secretly dangerful. Thank God there's only one Gavin in class! otherwise all the teacher will just muntah darah.

I love the fact that its a very multiracial class, with very multiracial teachers, in fact, I'm the only chinese teacher. I really hope these kids will be able to see beyond colours and judge people on whats inside, not out. :)

Official classes starts January, thats when the real actions starts. They're around the kindergarden this month for a month long camp thingy, 2 hours every alternate day or so. For now, im just having fun with the kids, getting to know them, teaching them colour by numbers, showing them animals on a flashcards and stuff like that!

I love kids, although some are quite a handful. Many come telling me that its very hard to be a kindergarden teacher, you'll be so mad you'll start vomiting blood. True, but I love their innocence, and how can u stay mad at a cute face like that? You're furious at Gavin for not doing his work but the next thing he does is so adorable you just go jelly. I guess you just have to be very very patient, and forgiving. and give them lots of stars! I'm having loads of fun playing with my kids! absolutely loving my job so far! the only thing is I have to decorate a my classroom by myself! thats 4 walls, and too many color paper and glue! I'm not very creative, but i guess it'll do, at least kids don't complain!

I've been wanting to do something like this for so long its feels like ahh.. satisfaction. can't say much bout the job for now its only been 2 days but im super-stoked for real classes to start! and more kids will be coming in and i shall be the class teachers to a bunch of 5 year olds! and they will learn basic mandarin from me because i am their mandarin class teacher and they are the white paper and i shall paint their base with beautiful colourful ink and from no mandarin they will be able to understand the language because of me can u tell that im stoked to give a lil something back to the community although its not charity its still counts as something doesn't it i'm gonna stop babbling now back to my cutting my colour papers bye.

Teacher Mei they'll call me

2009-12-08T22:34:00.003+08:00

its official,
I am now a uncertified kindergarten teacher, teaching (of all things) mandarin.

imagine, me nurturing young minds, molding the leaders of tomorrow, setting a strong foundation in innocent little 3 year olds :)

yes laugh la laugh all you people laugh and get it over with! even my dad laughed. thanks for being such a great encouragement. hemph.

i shall be working thru December and January mornings, and pass the baton to someone else come mid-February. They hired me cause they were desperate, but i was requested to look for someone else to replace me in February, any takers?

decided to try teaching for the experience. its not about the money, and believe me the salary is way sad. 5 days of promoter work can make up for the month's salary. Screw the money, i don't want to work in shopping malls and cafes doing meaningless work that is nothing but a waste of time. so what if i earn more, I learn nothing, and half of the time i just stand there looking like a sparkly lost Christmas ornament. I'd rather spend my hours doing something fulfilling, learning and earning in the process. even if i don't get paid. This holiday, its all about the experience.

plus, I'm going to make it a point to volunteer in PAWS.

by the end of the year, and end of the holidays. i can scratch no.23 off my 100thingstodobeforeidie list.

what a way to end the year eh!

have fun enjoying the last bits of 2009 guys, have fun while it last! <3

he called me a dudul head

2009-12-03T01:28:00.002+08:00

i want blue hair.

Tuesdays with Morrie is overrated.

i gave up on reading I, Lucifer.

Midway thru A Fortune Teller Once Told Me and currently going on The Graveyard Book, by Neil Gaimann.

Watching Ninja Assasin did NOT make me like Rain, in fact, i despise him even more now.

Why do Mat Sallehs keep thinking they can make movies about the Asian culture? putting Asians into the movie does not make it real. DragonBall feature film was (apparently) shitty and Ninja Assasin was a whole bunch of fake.

I need to pen down a really good poem, but i feel so uninspired.

its the last month of the year.

is it weird to be proud to be able to tie my hair with nothing but a pen?

Guess who is the no.1 smartest person of the decade?
surprise surprise, its non other than the inventors of Google, Larry Page and Sergey Brin! well, they did revolutionized the way people search for information, and porn!

Steve Jobs at number 2!

Jimmy Wales, a.k.a. the founder of Wikipedia is at number 11!

founder of Amazon, Jeff Bezos is at number 12.

notice how they're all people who revolutinized technology?

im just surprised the guys who invented Facebook is not on there. oh well, maybe next decade..

Politicians are there too.. no Obama is not on the list, but Hillary Clinton is, at number 4. you've got to give her credit for being the first potential women president candidate!

For some reason, I was very inspired to see the Prime Minister of India, Manmohan Singh at number 15. "Anyone who can obtain a Ph.D. in economics from Oxford and successfully manage the world's largest democracy has to be the smartest person in the world,” imagine, this guy, is responsible for "leading one of every six people on earth"!

and the most surprising man on the list? Ayman Al-Zawahiri. Field: Terrorism. Postition: the intellectual leader of Al-Qaeda!
for putting the whole world into a frenzy, plummeting the world's economy, and putting fear in everyone's mind, creating new themes on award-winning movies and books, i guess you do deserve the numbe 23 spot...

for the full scope on the 25 smartest people of the decade, go here! very interesting read, believe me!

3 decades later, u shall see me on the next 25 smartest people of the decade!

the end of a term

2009-11-26T00:04:00.006+08:00

assignments ended. *yes!*
holidays started.
4 months.
4 freakin months.

stuff to do:
roadtrip with the Berries! (bold for emphasis)
finish at least 2 books.
get better at dancing somehow.
learn the guitar.
volunteer somewhere.
find cash somewhere. (laptops don't come free :( )
visit people i neglected.
visit people that neglected me. :(
mountain, at least one.
escape.
and finally sunbath on the beach. (bagan lalang don't really count cause i didn't play with seawater)

my desktop died, again. i think its permanent this time. fuck it. i don't care what mum says i am buying myself a laptop by the start of sem2. my nikon can wait.

the problem with facebook is it complicates things.

hmm yeah..

The Media

2009-11-17T22:05:00.004+08:00

student video done for class.
this was our second attempt, with the first one being overly ambitious to pull off. This shoot on the other hand, was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay fun.

made with love by the Berries : Kit, Mei, Christine, Aaron, Imran, Amirul, & grandpa Jizz.

just so u know, i almost puked in my mouth doing the jonas brother bit. uggh.

do you get the whole message? i'd love to hear your interpretation of "The Media"!

I sold my soul to research essays

2009-11-17T01:08:00.008+08:00

what a week.

seriously, what a week.

I slaved so much on my assignments the results better be good or i'll hijack a plane and bomb Adelaine to a frickin dust.

i need to learn how to do my assignments faster. the problem is i type one word, i stone for 10 minutes, then i type one sentence, and i stone for another 10 minutes. and you wonder why i'm taking 10 years to write a 1500 word essay.

omg i just pressed ctrl-s. its like a habit when i do my assignments, see, its messsing with my mind.

one last push, and then a celebration of the temporary relieve of my misery.

i hate eating sleeping thinking and talking about assignments only.

thats not the only thing i do only ok, i dance. and entertain people with llamas.

next semester, seriously, no more procrastination.

can't wait till the road trip, we all need to escape once in a while. even if its only for the evening.

and i've found my escape. <3

congratulations, love!

the church of Satan

2009-11-11T00:10:00.004+08:00

i think Satan is pretty cool. He's like God's wildchild y'know.
i don't give a fuck about Satan. He's Red.

You know there's a Church of Satan? They have a Bible and everything. Marilyn Manson is like the pastor or sth.
Fuck that. You know why these people worship Satan and stuff like that, because they are bored. Because they are bored and have nothing better to do.

live simple. Fuck That.

he's tired of smoking. he's actually complaining about smoking. woohoo!

whats with the guy with the sunglasses eating cake at 12am?
the only reason people wear sunglasses at night is because their pupils are dilating.
now that makes sense. or else they are just retards.

caffeine rush. caffeine rush.

I can't get you people nowadays, too excited for everything.
overexcited People and birthdays, cakes and picture he's talking about.

lay back, laid back.

all we want to do is travel.

fuck Brazil, lets go to Argentina.

don't panic yet

2009-11-10T10:06:00.002+08:00

2 weeks, 3 more assignments, and 1 research report in Genting to go.

Mika is scatting in my head.

thats enough of reality, thank you.

2009-11-04T22:00:00.000+08:00

take me to fantasy land,
where the sky is pink and clouds made of cotton candy;
dogs talk, birds chirp, and everyone has a tune in their voice;
a skip in our walks,
no shops no stops,
apple dotted trees, crystal flowing water,
winter summer autumn spring;
no clothes no electrical sockets,
just the sunshine pathway to the moon-lit stone,
and everyday is but a song.

the tabs are open

2009-10-30T00:44:00.003+08:00

you know life is sad when every time someone asks "what you up to", your answers is always "assignments".

whats sadder is you spent so much time on the computer with your assignment documents opened, but 5 hours later you achieve, basically nothing.

how pathetically lifeless.

jailbreak on impulse

2009-10-25T22:35:00.007+08:00

what do you do when you are so sick and tired of worrying about all the worries in the world? You go on an impulsive trip, somewhere to get away and hear youself think..

Julian kidnapped me for sudden road trip to Bagan Lalang, this sweet little beach reminiscence of Port Dickson... Just what i needed, just what i craved, smell of the beach, the magical golden sunset, a place just away, away.

I had so much fun enjoying the sunset, taking about love, life, gay rights and everything in between!

t'was a very relaxing evening, a very much needed sweet escape! Bagan Lalang is perfect, not too crowded, not too dirty, not too far, not too near. An escape not too far away, i think im in love (WITH THE BEACH ok u ppl)<3

Impulsive trips is what we need more in life! Spontaneity!

because routines are for losers :P

so, where next?

human limitations at the 40th hour

2009-10-21T23:05:00.003+08:00

40.5 hours and no sleep at all.
havent felt like this in a while, the out of body feeling coz due sheer tiredness.
I spaced out so much when i was driving home I scared myself silly. one second im concentrating on the road, another im like dreaming, and then i become aware of my suroundings again and went like "eh. got car besidesm;

i just spaced out again.

human limitations. now i know why sleep is so important.

sweet dreams.

I'd like some Google with my fries please.

2009-10-21T09:10:00.005+08:00

Have you ever been so haunted by an assignment that all you eat sleep and talk about is work? That was my mind's infestation for the past week. It got so bad to a point where i literally and truly went to bed thinking about my report points, i dreamt about 1Malaysia(that was my research topic), and i woke up thinking about the analysis.

I.am.so.freakin.relieved.that.it.is.finally.over. screw the effing wordcount.

this has been one hell of a tireing assignment. I actually started my research early but it ended up a last minute completion, again.

not my fault we have 3 huge assignments due consequtively.

The guys and I have successfully spent almost 24 consequetive hours working on our report. That means no sleep, not since 6.30 am yesterday morning. its now 9.45am. Im way past the sleepy stage now im just awake, the others are lifelessly sleeping. I am so glad we stayed over Izz's place to finish the report together, if i were at home, alone in the dark with the weird noises, I will be stressing out so much and feeling so goddamn tired that i would just freakin elotrocute myself. Stressing out with friends is always so much better, you get distracted just enough to forget about stressing. T'was a tireing assignment night but i had SO much fun! There is always one half of the table that motivates you to work, another half that helps u relax, and heaps of encouragement and help. Extra fun when you have real life cartoons and random coversations entertaining you! I call it the Amy and Aaron show!

Suddenly it was 3.30am, after hours of Amy's endless McD nag, we were finally hungry enough, and tired enough of being cooped up that we packed our laptops, and shifted our fun to McD's! emmmhmmm nothing goes well with 4am assignment rushes than a good Sausage McMuffin. Even if the cheese looks like plastic and the egg like rubber.

Mika's Lollipop song makes a really good de-stresser on the way back to Izz's.

We were almost finally done by then. the work continues till 8.30am, we handed in the online submission. Deadline was at 9.00.

IT was a long day but i had loads of fun. Another long day today- video shooting and editing due tomorrow.

I swear procrastination will be the fall of mankind one day.

It's pissing me off man! especially when your laptop is so fuckin dumb it automatically restarts consequtively after the start up. startup-restart-startup-restart it goes in loops i dont even get the chance to click on anything before it restart again. Damn frustrated at that stupid tiny 3rd hand Vaio that i wanted to just chuck it out of Izu's balcony. Maybe a 20 story drop will teach hima lesson stupid laptop. Thank god we had so many laptops aruond that there was always one unoccupied laptop for me to take over. I think i switched between 5 laptops. Thanks guys!

and thanks Izu for letting us trash your house, again!

Imma go origami my report notes into little airplanes and throw them off the 20th floor now!!

I left my stripper heels at home

2009-10-18T16:13:00.005+08:00

Pole dancing is freaking hard!! to defy gravity like that, and spin around like that. you count your life on your body's friction against the thin, steel cold pole. sweaty palms don't help, neither do lack of sleep or empty stomach.

had my first taste of pole dancing today, 3 hours later i felt like jelly. The instructor, she made it look too easy! i wouldn't say its painful, only the friction and rubbing against the pole hurts a little. I didnt expect bruises. but 2 hours later my thighs are now happily dotted with blues and blacks :) looks like some really cool looking infestation!

the pioneers of pole dancing are just unbelievable. Some people might shun pole dancing cause its slutty and the unforgettable link of strippers is there. It may have started out that way but them stripper heels now bring forth a whole new agenda.

be wowed by this! the unbelievable ladies of 2009 US Pole Dancing Championship.

I melt at their gracefulness and toughness at the same time, the upper body strength, the abs strength, the falling and climbing and spinning, the creativity, the choreography the flexibility, THE AWESOMENESS!! XD

I think pole dancing is absolutely beautiful. Beautiful in a way that proves to all the male chauvinists out there that every women can be strong, independent, with grace, beauty and a lil' bit of womanly sexiness at the same time! Pole dancing proves that all the ladies out there are intelligent beings and we do not need you to survive! Equality, man! i get insulted when guys say we cant do this or suck at that just cause we are girls and we have tiny brains. Well boo you. Every women should learn pole danicng and be empowered. Pole dancing is Empowerment that's what it is! One word to sum it all off: Girl power! To all you who have been stereotyping girls and making fun and looking down on us because we get period and you dont, well look at the video again, and be proved wrong. One thing i love about Pole dancing is it shows that women can do anything men can: politics, wrestling, basketball and well i question if a men can do anything women can. I would LOVE to see a guy pole dance like that one day.

stop with the female stereotype. feminism!

yes, that was the feminist in me talking. to all those that look down upon women, kiss my stripper pole.

"Pole dancing is like Oprah, empowering female everywhere."