2 teeths lighter

these cotton balls fills the gaps in my mouth,
the two friends that my 36(?) pearly whites have came to know have been massacred texas chain saw style,
godspeed old friends, you have been annoying,
i shall never have to deal with your food trappings again.
You were proof for my growing wiser,
but now that you;re gone,
i shall be smarter than wiser,
i shall be wisdomful!

ok i dont know what am i crapping about. all i want to say is my extracted tooth looked blardy and nasty. it looked blardy nasty.


I want to thank man for creating ponstan and anaesthetics, and my uncle for being such as awesome dentist.

because i felt nothing but numbness. and it felt relaxing after a while. except for the horrendous sound.

but still,, why does extracting 2 teeths costs do damn blardy much!?

they say

the relaxing effects of holidays lasts only 24 hours, before it wears off and you're caught up in real life again.

mine lasted one 45minute train ride.

Nature goodness aside, i guess the best part about perhentian was seriously just getting away.
5 minutes into the hotel room i abandoned my handphone, and then it was 4 days of sand, sun, fishies and friends. It just occured to me that i never once thought about all the crap that fills my head when i'm at home, and that feels damn good. It was just blissful peace and serenity, you know?

reaching home i'm already worrying about all the usual crap and confusion, that i shall not bore anyone here with. I want to do so many things, but there are so many obligations, and so many people to please that are in the way.

can i return to perhentian, can i take a gap year off, can i live a life of a traveller, and not worry about a high paying future?

oh, and i added number 31 to my list of things to do before i die:
31. Asia Tour.

i will kill myself of i ever get a 9 to 5 robotic job. in fact, i should just get a sleeve tattoo so no one will hire me for a 9 to 5 office job. sounds like a plan.

i is tanned.

perhentian was the shitz, super duper relaxing. makes me wanna live on a beach one day, which i will, one day.

snorkelling, getting up close and personal with the fiishies was just amazing! makes me wanna get my diving license and dive 6 feet under one day, which i will, one day.

but for now, its smack back to reality.

mum: u didnt tell dad your results ar?
me : 3 D's and 1 Credit.
Bro: why your result so bad, you do know you're a scholarship student right?
Dad: ur better stop ur work if its affecting ur results.
me: ...

they said the same thing when i got 2 D's and 2 HD's for my last semester results. to all u people who were envious that i have a scholarship, FML pls.

kthxbye.

me and my big mouth

fairness in all fairness. who's to dictate what's fair and what isn't?

favouritsm is part and parcel. a forbidden practice, but secretly embraced. And alas the favourites will always shine brighter, though glory is a different matter.

so, should we all be fake suck ups and bask in the glory of a golden seat, or do we remain true and dwell in our frustration of fairness, or the lack of it.

Should we suck up to suck ups just for the extra edge, or do we convince ourselves to make peace with being noble?

do we voice our frustrations with a hint or a moan and fear the repercussions, or do we swallow our anger and trigger the ticking bomb?

I've seen bombs tick and tick away, diffused by an afternoon of moaning and I've seen bombs tick and tick away, till the very last unnerving second where it all blows up.

fairness in all fairness, fairness is a dirty game. and dirty plays well.

are we losing out, taken advantaged, forgetten, misplaced, misstepped, ignored, exploited?
is it worth to double the sweat and triple the effort, just because we play clean?

we convince ourselves that suck ups and fakes will one day be unmasked, and the sweatshops workers will finally shine, but how oftern do fairytales come true?

fairness in all fairness, nothing is fair.

so we should just level the playing field and all be suck ups and brownosers, favourites and pets together.

then maybe fairness in all fairness, fairness is fair.

I skipped my 20th birthday.

My friend's passing on my birthday really been messing with my mind. too many thoughts about too many things its confusing me.

and i miss Stella.
Stella, she gave me the name The Eternal Optimist. i miss her.

im so glad i am finally going trekking tomorrow. 2day one night trek for me to find solace and clear my mind and get everything straight again.

i need to make changes.
I want to be better.

gunung ledang, hello :)

June 17.

lots of people asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and i couldnt give an answer because I dont know what i want.. i didnt need anything new, and i dont need anything new..

but ask me again and I'll give all my wishes in the world for Joash Wee and his family to be happy and well back in their home again.

His unfortunate passing came as a really big big big shock to me... I was just getting to know him, and we had a deal to go have burgers so he can prove to me how awesome his burger joint is... but God called him out too early. He was really charming, and a really nice guy who helped a near-stranger with her assignment.. and a really good actor and singer..he was a really good friend, and these are things that I will always remember him by..

21 hours ago he wrote on my facebook wall, wishing me happy birthday and promising to take me out for burgers.. I didnt even get to thank him and now he's gone.

i hope that lorry rott in hell.

I may not have know him well, but these tears that keep rolling down my cheeks are real.

Let his passing not be in vain. A news like that on a day like this, a shocking reminder to cherish live and all its worth, cherish your family and all their quirks. All you people who think your life sucks, shut up and enjoy it while u can.

Joash, i lit a candle in your memory and I will always light on every year today.

Rest in peace.

lets have a moment of silence for Joash, and pray that he and his family gets through this all.

i am

pissed at the world.

for no good reason.