en route

aiports are cold, lifeless, steel.


the people's life sedentary as they wait to embark on a journey away, or a journey back home.
mothers and fathers pushes through their tiredness as they watch their kids have fun in imaginary land,
businessmen waste not their precious time, happily sip beers by the bar, or work feverishly on their laptops,
the occasional lost lone traveller pushes by looking for Gate 15,
admiring the young students who catches beloved naps between transit.
and some,
some just seat and read,
some just seat and watch as time pass by,
all just sit and wait.

they think they are using precious time well,
but all do they are is just waiting, waiting.

airports are cold, lifeless, steels.

they call it prep work

if there is one thing i hate more than filling out forms,
its packing.

my god i hate packing.


the last time i attempted life as an alien, mum and dad picked, folded, packed and wrapped everything up for me and sent me on my way like I'm a christmas present for a nasty 5 year old brat. All I did was picked what I wanted to wear. But then again, they were the ones that decided that I go, they were the ones that arranged the flight tickets and everything else that had to be arranged. Like I'm a superstar and they my manager. 18 year old me was so relunctant to go that I immersed myself in work and avoided all the packing I can.

This time around, I avoided all the packing I can again, or so mum noted. Everytime she said its time to pack, I had people to have drinks with or Vinyls to stick on my room wall. At least my room looks cool now!

Until the (mid)night before, I avoid till I cannot avoid no more, I had to pick, fold, pack and wrap everything up on my own, and they stand and watch. Heck dad didn't even peep at my bag. Like I've downgraded from superstar to the superstar's assistant with no self respect.

Serves me right for having an itchy butt and legs that cannot stay where they are eh? I arranged and payed for everything on my own. Who knew international arrangements requires so much work. heh. heh. At least dad was kind enough to sponsor me a (really good) camera :)

People keep asking me if im excited to be going, and all i can say is "no rasa". I picked the wrong time to go, but they say no matter which planes crashes and what boat capsized, life has to go on. So i went on with mine, though filled with guilt, and relunctancy that i did not forsee.

oh by the way, if you didnt know yet, im en route to Mauritius! :)

the rain has been pouring down, for what have seemed like the longest time ever.

this blog has been, like a friend said "refreshingly morbid",
oh well,
thats just how my life has been lately, refreshingly morbid.

the rain has been pouring for the longest time,
and it still continues to pour,
but i've eloped to much sunnier pastures,
for a sunny escape,
and now,

a new saga entails.

i saw a little spark today, that gave me a faint glimmer of hope. one that i am holding on to tightly, so that it will not slip slide and fade away.......

sometimes good news comes in the most excruciatingly painful disguise. but i prevail, and will believe in it being a good news, and be hopeful, that only more good will come from it. the process might not, may not, will not be easy, but it will all end with good.
it has to. nothing less than that. it has to.

i really really need some good right now.

how did i managed to be such an optimist for so long.
i guess its time,
when we grow up,
and question optimism
like how we question life
love
sincerity
people
and stop believing.

optimism is hard, its so hard to stay positive. you can only do it for so long.

so this is what grief feels like, eh. heh.

and i heard its christmas,
a time where dreams come true and people are happy and there's supposed to be a warm fuzzy feeling just by hearing the happy christmas songs and festive air.
but happy songs are just so fucking annoying right now.
if dreams really do come true,
i plead dear santa,
i'd give you everything i have,
please just return everything to the way it was,
the way it's supposed to be.
if there's such thing as a christmas miracle,
dear santa,
make your magic work.
please.

we grow up thinking that we will be someone one day,
a tv star, politician, tycoon, CEO, an activist.
our names known, faces recognized, respect.
we carry the hopes and dreams on our backs in our hearts,
young and eager;
pulsating with desire,
but along the way,
dissapointments strikes,
reality hits
life happens.
we realize that there is no light at the end of the tunnel,
no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow,
the grass is never greener on the other side either.
it was lies, all lies.
and we settle.
we settle for second best,
for a normal civilian life,
we settle for normalcy
and see our once upon a time and happily ever after get washed down the drain,
so we say bye-bye and pretend that we're happy.
"We don't have to be somebody to be happy",
we lie to ourselves,
but,
how true is it?

will you settle or will you strive?
how long can you hold on?