Friday, December 21, 2007

Melilea Show @ Bkt Jalil ~ friends n fun, all in one

almost One week later and it's still as fresh as yesterday. i can still feel the wramth, fun, laughter and the painfully lame moments we had together.

5th - 15th Dec
Rehearsals, rehearsals non-stop rehearsals. Tireing, but fun! i mean, meeting new friends, having fun and of course, dancing together, whats not to love? The best part definately is the 2 days-7 hours rehearsal till late night.TIREING ? YES. but i guess that is when our newly established friendship suddenly blossomed, strangers became new friends, new friends became great friends... i feel the love! lol

16th Dec " showtime! "
10am - 8 pm seemed like a crucially long wait in the beginning, but who knew time flies in a blink of an eye. Yes there were delays, but there was no waiting between dances, there were no waiting before the show even started! why? i guess its simply because all of us were having one heck of a great time! laughter and jokes filled the air, all of us were having fun, just enjoying the time we had together ! dancing and acting, 2 things that we love and were almost kinda good at, yes, it was indeed a good day to show our dancing and acting skills. From retard, to sexy, to sad and happy, we did it all!

i shall not say much~ a picture is worth a thousand words, in this case, there are a million words here!

from the opening to closing, even during the very expensive but yummy dinner afterwards ( thx winnnie!), every minute was enjoyable! lame joke stormed the day even through dinner! ayam kambing beg? even though it was a short stint, friendship that were made were not short lived. Gals, n boys, i miss u all!!!!! T.T hopefully can meet up, dance and act together again!
to sum it all up, it was indeed an all new experience for me. when Winnie (da boss) said there will be 6000 pairs of eyes, i wondered for a teeny tiny second if i will have stagefright. but alas, i was comfortable on stage, even if i was in a skimpy bra! i hope that time would freeze at that moment, when we were working together, FUN wei~~~ i miss it!!!
but still, memories are meant to be reminisced, and reminisced i will. its not like we will not meet each other forever n ever again right? thank god for modern technology!
HuGS n KiSSeS,
to u , and the other 12 wonderful dancers~

Sunday, December 9, 2007

first taste as a promoter.

if ppl would just listen and not shut me off before i started talking, IT
WOULD HAVE BEEN A VERY GREAT EXP!!! to all those who actually listened, and downloaded the stuff... THANK U !!!!!

now i know how a promoter feels..... sorry to those that i just igonre them... pai seh!!!

in the end, today was a great learning experience for me.
-i learned how to take a bus back from Times Square to Klang in the dark
-i learned how to be confident and thick skin to go forward and talk to strangerSSSS
-i learned how to promote, and talk to people
-i learned that there are ALOT of malay couple at Times Square
-i learned that there is a BIG BEAUTIFUL XMAS TREE there... go see!!!
-i learned about my new friend, Casey and her friends Jerry and Amy.. (yes their name rhymes -.-''') good people they are, friendly and sweet!! belanja me makan sushi somemore.. syoknya~~~
the best part is we paid only 40 bucks for 80 bucks worth of sushi... want to know how? ASK ME!

even though the insentive is like peanuts, i dont mind doing this again.. i cant say it's VERY FUN, but its OK!! it does has its "fun" moments !!!

10 hours of promoting? not a problem~

*hugs n kisses*

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Kwang Hua, i'll be back.

wohho!!!!! lets do the " SPM-IS-OFFICIALLY-OVER-AND-I-DONT-HAVE-TO-WEAR-SCHOOL-UNIFORM-ANYMORE" dance! poor guys, when i see students carrying that heavy Delta tuition book waiting for mum to pick them up, i just laugh at myself saying "NO MORE TUITION FOR ME!!!"

yeap, BC paper is finally over, and SPM is finally out of the picture! relieved? happy? excited at the soon to come endless possibilties? YES! (what endless possibilites?)

after the paper, and after spending time at sheen's house and in her car, the few of us went to jusco bukit raja. was suppose to see ENCHANTED, have been looking forward to that show for the past week, but sadly i have no 'yuan' with that show, MISSED IT AGAIN! sad... but its okay.. i got to savour the deliciously delicious Mcflurry Cornetto Chocolate!! that managed to keep me happy !! haha... ohh, and i saw this amazing necklace at Voir, it came with matching earrings! the thing about it is that it is so quirky, so rare, i just fell in love with! i mean, its a necklace shaped like a tie!!! silver and shiny and oh-so-quirky, its just sooooo me! but atlast, pocket empty, tak dapat beli T.T but its okay~

spent the night at Station One with my beloved s4-ians... haih im gonna miss them! celebrated Mr.Ultraman's birthday, it wasnt much, but it came from the heart, hopefully he'll cherish it! HAPPY BIRDDAY MR ULTRAMAN!!!! muacksssssss~ lol

in a nutshell, tonight seems to be really the last day of school. i mean, after spm, there's really not much of a reason to return to school, and its kinda hard to meet up like the good old days right? no more annoying my classmates while they are studying.....although this has been a tireing day, simple as it may be, it is definately a sweet, perfect ending, to an imperfect ending of this chapter of life. new stuffs come along, but the life and tiems in kwang hua will always remain etched in the base of my heart!

Friday, November 30, 2007

life after spm?

Dudes and dudettes,
since im denieing the fact that i have to study for chinese, and since the computer is free, here i am blogging!

ppl have been asking me lately what my plans are after spm, and i think i have a rough sketch to what i'll be doing after Dec 4th ( thats the date of my last paper!!).

Well, first of all, i was suppose to go for my 4 days 3 nights class trip to Pangkor, but sadly, and i regret to say that i have to cancle that trip.. *aikss...ju sern is gonna kill me * ( im feeling mucho guilty now T.T). I was suppose to go for that trip, but i FINALLY got the offer from my jazz teacher do perform at an upcoming event. Its a big event, and there will be lots of rehersals and practises which sadly clashes with my class trip. I can only choose one, show? Or class trip? Decisions decisions, oh how i hate decisions. On one hand, its my first and could be last class trip, 4 days of fun with my beloved classmates to mark a beautiful end to our secondary school life. On the other hand, its the offer that i have been waiting for sooo long, its a big event, and it ill be a great stepping stone for me as a freelance dancer, i know i cant live with myself if i turn down this offer. Futhurmore, with the finincial issues my family has been dealing with,the trip will cost me 300 bucks, but the show will earn me 300 bucks? so do i choose the present (trip) or the future (show)? yeah well.... im soooo sorry my classmates, but this is something I have to do..

okay, next up is part time jobs. Initially i wanted to look for freelance jobs like promoter, distributing flyers and stuff, but my dear loving brother call me to work at Denny's (its a cafe near Klang Parade). Work as what u ask? waitress? Ohh no.... I shall be getting my hands dirty with fish innards and chicken blood in the kitchen.. Watch out! Here comes Mei Fong, the Kitchen Helper!!!! "Working as a waitress won't teach u much" my bro said, "I think its important for a girl to learn how to cook, so go work at Denny's in the kitchen." Just like that, i've scored a job at Denny's. My bro used to work at Denny's for a long time in the kitchen, he's good with the boss so he'll get the job for me ^^ Nope, I ain't complaining, its good for me to work at the kitchen cause the only thing i know about cooking is boiling water, and frying scrambled eggs.

what will I be doing with all the extra cash? It won't be much, but I'll use it to pay for my soon- to-come bellydancing classes. As i said, financial issues, so Mum says go learn, but try to pay urself if u can. I know, if i expect my parents to pay it will be a huge pinch in the wallet, so i shall be paying the bellydancing class fees myself. Hopefullly i earn enough to do so.. RM90 a month aint cheap! Bellydancing Class commence Jan 2008, so if you're interested, feel free to ask me !

Fast forward to Jan 2008, im hoping i'll begin school by then. January intake here i come!! what course? dunno yet. what subject? duno yet. which school? dunno yet. aikss... hopefully i'll know by the end of this month!!!

I'll let u guys know when i know k!!

*hugs n kisses*

Sunday, November 25, 2007

up,running, and ready for calling ^^

got my replacement phone today! yes guys, im back in action! all of yous that miss me, u guys can call, sms, and kacau me all u want coz my sim card is in the phone, and the phone is ready for action! phone number is still the same DiGi number, so no worries. BUT, i need all yous to SMS or call me and tell me who you are coz i want to save UR number in my phone book, gotta rebuild my contact list! unfortunately, like always after a little while i might not be answering ur sms'es coz u know, i dont reload much. but that DOESN'T mean u can stop contacting me!!!

well, the unlucky phone that got stolen was my sony K510i, which has been with me for only 1 year +. the lucky phone that got to stay with me for hopefully many many many years to come is the sony W700i (i think so). just the phone that i have been eyeing for like forever! the best part, it came with free portable speakers, memory card, and u know stuffs like screen protector, cover, pouch.... its kinda intimidating for me coz well, its the most expensive phone that i've ever owned so far. Heck, its the most expensive thing in my room! i have to heartfully thank my GRANPA, MOM, BRO n MYSELF lol! well, mum forced me to ask my bro to sponser, and even though i didnt want to ask at first, i gave in to mum. i asked for if he could sponser, and he gave me like 90 bucks! what good bro!! *heart him* and i forked out 100 bucks myself, so basically my already empty wallet, is even more emptier. *i really need a job soon! * but, i feel guilty couse well. buying a phone equals lotsa money, and even though it may seem that im loaded, money is actually somewhat of an issue in my family.

the salesman at the phone center asked my mum how old am i. when i told him i was 17, he said he thought that i was 15. -.-''' is that a good thing? this just proves my earlier post (sien sien dei) right! me no looky like 17. me childish!! when i saw the salesman, i noticed he looked familiar, but i just brush it of. turns out, he was my friends boyfriend! and he said also 'nowonder u look so familiar!" what a SMALL world eh?

on another note, not having a phone for this past week or two made me realise, phone or no phone, its really no difference to me! its nice not to have phone actually. maybe its because i dont make outgoing calls much because i dont really reload. but its a good thing, coz as my mum said, i didnt feel lost without the phone, i was not "controlled" by the phone, im not controlled my materialistic stuff!! ohhyea~

thats all for now, gotta go cram some bio knowledge into my skull!

*hugs n kisses*

Friday, November 23, 2007

of bOObs n silicons

just finish watching "I Want A Famous Face" on MTV. basically its a show where they document the journey of americans going under the plastic surgeon's knife and getting rhinoplasty (nose), fat grafs ( fat injected under cheeks), lip injections ( for the angelina-jolie pout) and the all time favourite -- breats implants!

yes, u might be wondering why the hell perfectly good-looking young people want to mess up with what God, and their mom have blessed them with, and go erase the very identity that makes them unique just so they can look like someone else. i mean, its ok to admire and dress like someone, but totally cutting of ur skin and putting in silicon, pig fat and stuff, its a little too much!

i personaly think that its all too vain, "boosts confidence" and "unleash the real me underneath" is all just lame reasons n excuses. you're vain. ohh, and the yummy part : the future Britnney Spears look-alike ( i think this show was recorded b4 britnney gone all "corrupted") in the show says she wants to pursue STRIPPING. but, at lasts, she couldn't go through with it, and went to go POSE NUDE for PLAYBOY. yeah like that makes things better.

what caught my attention was the story of another girl, and this is worth sharing. So, this girl, another Britney wannabe went to get silicon implants for the huge boob effect. a few months after the surgery, her boobs got bigger n BIGGER. turns out she was infected by some bacteria. she boobs got bigger by the day because of water retention. the only way to get rid of the infection was well, removing the impants. so, she decided to do so. back to square one, she was back to her normal size, but because of the previous implants and water retention, she had excess skin, just imgaine the horror! then 6 months later she went to get her implants inserted back in, well obviously she has to do it now because of the excess skin! the now the juicy part : the next day she woke up, her right breast was smaller then the other because the right implant was leaking! yes! so again, she removed the right implant and replaced it with a new silicon. total number of surgeries? 4 on the left boob, and 3 on the right. she cant be relieved because she never know when she'll get an infection again. i think she should just go sue her plastic surgeon. Leaking implants?
fake will always be fake

the moral of the story? stay away from plastic surgery! its certainly no fun, and its just making u FAKE. personally i feel that plastic surgery is OK if its reconstructive surgery. 'Modern' mom nowadays give their daughters boobs implants and double eyelid surgeries as their birthday present. Dear Miss Britnney spears says she might be going for plastic surgery soon to restore what she used to look like. if u want to be fit and have that kick-ass body, go to the gym, work out and drink more papaya milk juice! My mom always tell me to be glad with what God has blessed us with, and be proud of what we have. so maybe my ass is smaller then your's or maybe my bra size is smaller. so what? im proud with what i have, im confident in my own skin, im not self-consious, and i ROCK and KICK ASS in my own skin!

remember, platic sugery might giv u a leaking boob and infection! when u think about plastic surgery, just think of what micheal jackson have turned into!

i sing like an sngle but look like a chipmunk!

hugs n kisses!
p/s: all this is my personal opinions, if i am to offend nyone, SORRY in advance!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

i got robbed, while i was sleeping!!! part 3

stupid theif.

i slept in my mum's room yesterday night, everytime the dog barked, my heart jumped a little, and i go look outside the window. afraid n insecure? YES. i think too much. dad went to india today for 21 days. i will be bunking with mom. 2 girls in the room alone, scared? YES. my room suddenly seems unfamiliar n dangerous to me.. especially the windows. luckily dad fixed the fence this morning before leaving for india..maybe i can sleep better tonight

it seems that the theif not only went into my room, not only out of my room the upstairs area, but also downstairs. this is based in the fact that my grandpa's 2 watch, and my dad's watch which were left downstairs gone bye-bye. dissapeared. hmm.. WHO could have took it? duh

until now, despite all the OBVIOUS proof evidence n logical explanation, grandpa still refuse to believe that the theif came in through my room window. the doors are all locked and there's handprints outside my window, it doesnt get any clearer than that!

stupid me.

grandpa offered to buy me a new phone, but being the GOOD granddaughter that i am, i said NO NEED LAH! WHAT WAS I THINKING? stupid me! lol.. but its okay, i love 2nd hand models ^^

i want my cameras back! T.T

*hugs n kisses*

i got robbed, while i was sleeping!!! part 2

read part 1, the post below first!

imagine u sleeping soundly and sweetly at 5 in the morning, happily in slumberland. 2 man outside was fast n quiet, they cut a large whole at the metal fence, allowing himself into the house, he see's ur window wide open on the 2nd floor, and by hook or by crook, he managed to climb himself up to the window. he slides open the netting covering the window. his hands on the window still, he pushed himself up, and through the window, entering ur room. and all the time u, were sound asleep. looking around in the dark, he saws ur phone strategically placed beside the window, he grabs it and claims it his own. then, he carefully open the room door, going into the other part of the house. outside the room on the table, there was ur 2 camera, conviniently placed in a paper bag. easy n light enough to carry, the theif takes it. nothing else can be taken, and he leaves. he opens ur room door again, sees u sleeping, and climb out the window. out the 2nd floor, down to the first floow, out the fence, and happily with ur belonging in ur hands, he leaves the scene of the crime.

i know i've said all of this before, but i cant believe all this happened to me while i was sleeping. none of us can still get over this incident. mom cant stop talking about it, grandpa is worried, he went down at 10 something, looking at the big hole in the fence, trying to figure out how the stupid idiotic theif managed to climb into my room. big bro said "dont sleep here tonight, sleep in my room or mom's room" ; 2nd bro said "luckily he didnt take a knife to ur throat", and yes, i thank my lucky shining stars. dad? dad is aloof enough to not care.

a psychic ( friends of aunt) said that it was 2 men, dark skinned, and they will come back.
grandpa said he was up awake at 4 to 6 am, watchin football. he saw shadows of a man walking past his room through the gap under the door, but he thought it was my brothers. well NOW we know its a theif. total things missing : my phone, my 2 camera and my sense of security.
my cameraa.... T.T "sim tia" .. phone missing is ok, but BOTH my my camera?

i cant stop thinking about this, and what might happened if i woke up. i keep looking out of the window when i study.. i keep imagining the fark figure climbing in.. i keep looking into my room n feel weird -.-''' ..hopefully nothing happens tonight ( touchwood). the handprints, footprints are still there. the big hole in the fence is still a big hole in the fence.

what has the world turned into when u cant even feel safe sleeping in ur own room at night.

*hugs n kisses*

Saturday, November 17, 2007

i got robbed, while i was sleeping!!!


so friends, pls dont call my handphone for now, coz dicuri hse phone is still working ^^
i'll be using the same number when i get a backup phone k..

i woke up this morning feeling weird, that the flower pot on the mantle was down on the table beside the window, and the netting covering the window was pushed aside. coz everynight i sleep with the windows wide open but the netting closed to keep away the mosquitos. i couldn't find my dear handphone when i woke up so i called using the house phone but there was no ringing, only the cold voice of the operator computer person. feeling something amiss, i went to look around in my room. then, i peeked out of the window only to see there was handprints and footprints on the wall!! OMG SOME FREAKING GUY CLIMBED INTO MY ROOM!!!! he took the phone, and i think only the phone. the scary thing was i was sleeping right beside the phone! luckily, and i thank my lucky stars that i wasnt kidnapped by the guy or raped or killed or something. THANK GOD THANK MY GUAN YIN MA!!! i went to bed at 4.30 am, so the guy must have been watchin the house closely. he must have came in at about 5 or 6 am, quietly and carefully. coz i didnt not hear anything at all!!!.. i was sleeping, dead as a log ><>

i was feeling lucky n cool until my mum came home. when i told her, she got all paranoid on me, also in disbelief. she was so shocked and was like, "OHH MY GOOOOD, DONT JOKE WITH ME" * gasp * well her freaky reaction kinda make me scared a little. from now on, im not to sleep in my room alone, or at all. i shall be invading my parents room or bro' s room *nyehahahahahahh*. i've checked around, the theif seem to have only taken my handphone, maybe he couldnt climb into the house, its not easy.err.. my handphone was strategically placed beside the widely opened window. i'd take some pictures of the scene of the crime for u , but i cant find the 2 cameras anywhere! possibly the idiot of a theif took it.

on the bright side, my phone is stolen, but maybe i can get a new one?? ( lol im trying to be optimistic here!!! ) the pictures in my phone are all saved into my comp, so its ok.. contact numbers are missing, but i'll collect it slowly... on the bright side, im not hurt, and house is not ransacked, everything is in place. hmm, maybe this time my grandpa and dad will actually install some safety security measures to prevent this from happening again. they always denied the face that things like this will happen to us. besides that, i really learned how lucky i am... and no, im not chosen for NS! whee~~~

the funny thing is, we always think things like this (robberies, kidnapped, rape cases) will only happen to someone else. but, remember, to a stranger, we ARE someone else. i've always thought that my famiy was lucky, living in a big house but have never met with any robbers, until now. again, luckily it was only a small time theif. so my dear friends, this all are things that might happen to u, becareful and take preventive measures ok!!!

im ok im ok im ok i felt scared im afraid im in disbelief im not sad im not angry im thankful im happy im relieved im shocked im happy im safe im ok!

hug n kisses

Friday, November 16, 2007

new post

spent the whole evening trying to customize this. looked at so many blogskins n stuff, keep reverting, keep getting confused, ugghh... edit until i wanna PUKE!!!! ><
this new skinz, not much, but it'll have to do for now... ^^
i love the silhouette, but the black thingy here is just so-so...
i'll try to do more when i have the time.. there are so many other lovely skins, but its too complicated for me. i prefer something simple, like this!! if only i know how to design my own skinz, wont THAT be cool? hehez
on the other note, i woke up with a blister on my tongue, hurts a tiny bit. mom says its because of the hot wheater. Right now, im drinking a warm cup of sweet honey lemon..made by my adorable mum^^ so sweet, i can almost taste the love ... ^^ but then, she also made some chinese medicine for me, have to drink 3 whole bowls of the black icky, yucky stuff. So many cups and bowls of drinks to chug down, no wonder i've went to the toilet like, 10 times already!
hopefully i don't dream about peeing n accidentally wet my bed tonight!
and right now, im craving for that oh-so delicious cold cup of Mcflurry Cornetto Chocolate.. i can almost savour that icy cold cholately goodness on the tips of my tongue, i can almost feel the cold sweat from the paper cup... the only thing missing is, the ice cream itself!
have been bugging mom n my friend about that ice cream..
hugs n kisses!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


2nd day ..
dear friends,
i am glad to announce that after this day, THERE WILL BE NO MORE BM and SEJARAH for ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEE~~~~~~~~~~
last karangan written for life ( hopefully ) - "Rukun Negara Membentuk Rakyat Berkualiti"

so, during exam break i spotted this SUPERDUPERCOOL-bikerbabe-yaoyeng-not-your-average-teacher teacher. She has this amazing short SPIKY hair, dyed reddish goldish brown, left ear has 3 very very shiny earrings ( yes 3 !) and looked ultracool. all this in a school! and she's a teacher!! i cant imagine her teaching at kwang hua or at any other school.. should be a teacher that is cool with students ? we were sitting at the same table enjoying out respective milo and roti when my friends and i overheard her conversation with another examiner. the conversation as i remember is something like this :

(read the following with precise pronounciation with a hint of accent and poise)
" i notice that the girls sit on this side(points to left) and the boys sit on the other side (points to right). and there among the girls is a boy (points to boy sitting among the girls). Interesting. and yesterday, i saw *something something something i forgot* . the girl was HUGGING the boy. intersting. "

then she continues to blab about the exam papers. i covering my face with a book was laughing all the way when she was voicing out her observations. a very observant teacher she is. LoL. she is very cool though.. cool enough for one to GASP when find out that she is a teacher!!!
i hope she enters my class soon!

talking about examiners, there was a guy examiner who entered my class yesterday. Kinda cool, looked kinda handsome ( a tiny bit) but he very very d lan si. sad.
other than that, the other examiners that i have met so far are quite friendly and nice. i wonder how they are at their school with their students?

this 2 days, everybody so so so busy cramming every last info until the very last second. me? super high. LOL cant concentrate on the freaking book so i talked and laughed and played non-stop with my friends and Mr. Ultraman~ so relaxs~ whee~~~ then i turned around and see my friend so busy studying,so stressed and scary, i go kacau them. sorry la wei but study last second no use one u should RELAX!!!!

conclusion? spm time, fun when morning, hell at night!!

3 more weeks to go. wish me great luck!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

sweet sweet friendss**

itssss sooooo nice.. to see all the sweet mesages from friends.. wishing me good luck for tomorrow... I LOV U ALL!!!

god bless to all my friends too!!

muack muack
u guys are the best
i FEEEL ur LOVEE!!!!!

*may god bless me n my friends for the exam tmr omitofat*

pre-exam thoughts

haven't been studying really hard
no stress pimples,
no exam-time jitters
but, the exam-flu is back, right on time.
like it does every season..
cant stop sneezing n sniffing
my hanky is covered with wet, gooey snot and slime
one day before exam-but still feeling so fine..
shouldn't i be feeling scared by now? lol
i just know, i dont have enough time already..
telling myself.. its just another exam!!! no sweat
graduted edi, but now only bought an alarm clock.. so i wont be late for exam duh!!!
+=wish me luck== ^^

sien sien dei

2 more days!! woohooO!!!!!!
SPM !!!!!

went to tuition today, obviously with my friends.. DUH
after the tuition, we were all waiting downstairs at the alleyway for our ride home. While chatting with my friends, i realised something....
i looked at them, the way they walk dress speak, and then i look at myself, and i see big BIG differences.
while they are all so matured, so lady-like , with their high heels and purse and compact powder in their handbags, im still that girl who was playing ultraman few weeks ago. so childlike T.T
while they are trying on their push-up bra, i seem contented with my training bra *hahaz*
while they are embracing the metamorphosis to pre-adulthood, i seem stuck at my pre-teen years with my piggys, dollies and what not.
HAIZZ... i feel like so childish, so like a kid... they are so mature!! Mature enough when i walk beside them, ppl ask "is that your kid sister" why lik that?

its a good thing right?
tell me its a good thing..
nola.. im still growing wei!! lol
everybody grow at their own pace.. i guess im just a late bloomer ^^
luckily im tall enough nyehehehe

still, its a good thing right !?

Hugs n Kisses

Monday, November 5, 2007



it started out as any other day, a great day...
met up with friends at school... study
went to Klang Parade makan
then went to Jusco.. free pizza!!!
totally forgot about the existence of exam
laughing my way every minute
smiling every second...

i guess that is how my life goes everday, with a smile on my face, making everyone happy, as if there is not a care in the world

but when the friends leave, and the phone stop ringing,
the lights dimm, and my eyes stop smiling..
all the thoughts run in like a flash flood of worry and frustration
my eyes is filled with the nausea of financial, family, school, exams, friends, relationships...
feelings that are bounded deep in the core of my heart
longing to escape and flow out of my eyes
and lips
and heart
and yet, they are cuffed and shoved into the very jail that is my deep, cold, lifeless heart.
longing to escape
but the ball of chain tied to their leg makes it hard to leave...
so it stays contented in its cell
of cold concrete walls
and metallic iron bars..
waiting for freedom to come

the hardwork i do, the sweat and tears
so we all can have a memorable year
of sweet success
and bitter departure
and scenes that are etched in our hearts forever.
i never asked i never whine,
i always try n try n try
but the hardwork at the end of the day,
brews a concoction of bitter display
it ends well, im glad for that
but at the end, where is it all at?
unapreciated is how i feel,
for all i've done for all of you.
i tell myself its okay. and its great,
just to see the smiles on your face.
but deep inside it isnt true...

end with all the poem n rhyming. i cant think of a word that rhyme's with true. lol
all the sweat and tears, kinda seem meaningless?
a happy girl i may seem,
but my history starts with a girl that has ZERO friends. ignorance n emptiness was my companion from primary until i was in form 2....everyday going to school is dreadful because i envy those who has a gang of friends to go to. im always the third wheel that is kicked out and ignored, forgotten, and invinsible... unaprreciated. Somehow, i managed to change that and managed to build an amazing circle of friends.... people see me around with lotsa friends, every step towards the canteen i have to stop 10 times just to greet ''hallo". but over the years, no matter how many hundred donkey friends i may seem to have, the same old feeling never seems to shake off. im always the third wheel, kicked out, forgotten, ignored, invinsible, unaprreciated.

I guess somethings just never change eh?

i wonder, if it wasnt for him, will you guys still call me on my cell and ask me out for tea?

this is just the begining of the many many inmates in the jail if my heart.
sometimes at night, the only thing that makes it right is the blasting sound of AVRIL LAVINGE on the radio. my pillow's my best friend.

and then the phone vibrates, the msn "dings" .. and i do have friends that care and love. its a good bandage, for the bleeding soul, but the wound is still sore...
somethings will never change.... the feeling remains...
you'll never know how it feels. to be wanted, to be accepted. to be lost in your own path. to walk around aimlessly, and seeing everyone around happy but u.
sometimes it just seem meaningless to try so hard, coz no matter what the truth is things will always be the same.
forgotten. unappreciated. ignored.

i tell myself its all worth it to see the smiles on ur face. and i convinced myself. but then, the feeling of dissastifacation always seems to linger like a pesky fruitfly.

we leave school now and soon we venture into a new world, new friends new agenda new life.
but, will you till be able to remember the girl that i bet brought lots of smiles in ur life?
when u all meet up, will i still be amongst you? people always depend on me for events, n arrangements, but how many of you actually ......... appreciated? or helped? REMEMBERED? its easy to say " call her to do" and of coz i do it willingly, and happily of coz.. but how many of u freakin care and appreciated. i feel like im just a small speck of dust in the universe. don mind me.

but alas, the eternal optimist will always and forever remain as an optimist. coz SHIT HAPPENS n thinking too much will just hurt ur brain.

and somehow dissastifacation n loneliness lingers... i'll just cry alone at night along with all my other problems thanks.
this may noy sound fair to some of my friends.. but.. sorry la!
let me wallow in self-pity, i don hope for any pity from u guys..

things will always be ok ^^

Sunday, October 21, 2007

T-minues 10,9,8,7,6...

the annoying clock hanging above me is ticking away
the old grandfather clock below is calling
still early
i feel time is slipping out of the palm of my hand
like a bar of soap,
as if my palms have been greased.
i cant hold on much longer,
time wont stop.
ohh how i wish earth would stop spinning.

counting down the days.
8 days
8 days left.
-Oct 31st 2007-
8 more days until i officially put a full stop to my career as a secondary school student.
hmm, "i USED to study at Kwang Hua," its going to sound weird,
"Ex-kwang hurian" guess i got to try to get used to it.
i dont know which is scarier :
1.Performance for graduation
2.actually PARTING 5 great years of secondary life and the whole bunch of gila friend
3.the looming SPM.. its buzzing around my head like a annoying fly.. BUZZ OFF!
4. stepping into a whole new unfamiliar teritory of life as an adult.. colleges,courses,money,results,life,love ARGH!!!
which is scarier? u decide
so many things to do n read n play of course..but sooooo little time.. but why am i still so free? something's wrong here... i just hope the freakin lazy bug inside of me would just die already.. BUZZ OFF will you!

22 days.
-Nov 12 2007-
-insert censored word here-
22 more days (yes i actually counted it, just for u !)
22 days till one of the most important exams and yet im here bloggging at 3.58 am
when u see all people around you studying like there is no tomorrow,and u are here blogging at 3.58am, you know something is wrong. there's actually nothing much to say about this shitty feeling, its kinda like a pinch of chilli, some bittergourd, a dash of confusion, one teacup of nausea, 1ml of denial, a little confusion according to your taste, chop a few anger and pek chekness, a pinch of salt ,nothingness, and the must have MSG, put all in a blender, mix it all together and BAM!!!!! u have what i call "butterflies in stomach" ala carte. yummy, no?

22 + 23 = 45
45 days
-Dec 4th 2007-
cant wait? or CANT WAIT? ahh... here comes the days of bye bye exams, hello freedom... will i be able to shout "MERDEKA!!!!!!!!!!!" ? hmm... who knows but my mum? is it really freedom as what they all say? what about money n colleges n life deciding decisions??? all the responsibilities soon to come... but then.. no more blue pinafore no more SEJERAH TINGKATAN 5 and no more crappy objective papers! no more studying till 5 in the morning!! woohoo!!! whatever it may be, sweet or pedas, all i can say is.. its our honeymoon time and its vacation time! cant wait!

huhuhu.. counting down the days....i feel like an Angkasawan. strapped firmly to the seat looking at the ceiling.waiting for lift off. will the blood rush to my brain when the spaceship blasts off turn out to be an exhilarating ride, or will it end it with me blowing my brains out when it crash and burn? hmm.. this must be how our dear angkasawan Dr.whatchamacalit must have felt. it seems like im still floating in space.... seems like 8 days is like 8 minutes but 22 days is like an eternity.. spm? really, who gives a damn? we're only studying it to please parents and the panel at the "scholarship board". arent we all?

this moment, life seems to be all "haiz" and 'haiiiiiiiizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

and now, time for a conforting quote by mua~
"graduation is not the end, but the begining to a brand new start" -mei

tick tock tick tock
the annoying clock above me is still ticking away
*dreams of bashing it with ACME extra large hammer* *bash!bash!bash*
4.34 am
the cocks n hens at the back are calling! (ya i rare chickens)
oops! gotta go!

H n' G (hugs n kisses)
moo~ (today im a cow)

Saturday, October 13, 2007

my philosophy

my philosophy - okay, so I'm not a philosopher, but plain Jane's ( or chu's) are allowed to have beliefs and philosophies right? so, HEAR ME OUT!!!

I've always advised this to my juniors, and have shared it with some of my its your turn. This is how it goes(this is based on a true story) :

there's this very close friend of mine,I'll cal him C. He longs to be a singer, it is his dream, his aspiration, his cita-cita.The first time he told me about his little "secret" of becoming the next super-star, I was a little doubtful, it seemed unrealistic, and i actually advised him that its not really a good idea (i regret that). But later on, i started to see the passion in him. C started to enrolled for singing lessons, he started to sing in class all the time (n we enjoyed that), and he made great effort to improve himself. It was like seeing a SUPERSTAR in the making. One day, during assembly the school announced that there will be a State Level singing & dancing competition. this was C's big break, to gain invaluable experience, to have his first taste in as a singer and his first step to make it big. However, the only problem was C has very little confidence in him. He was indecisive whether to enter the competition and has actually decided not to as he felt that he was not up to it. But at last, after days and weeks of persuasion, and opening his eyes to all the endless possibilities, i managed to change his mind. Bravely, C hand in the application form, worked really hard, and yes! He entered the Finals!!! During the judgement day, hundreds of students shouted his name "C! C!!!!'', supporting their future idol. When C step out and bolted out his song perfectly, he felt a rush of satisfaction, a warm tingling sensation through his whole body. It felt so good, he felt so proud that it didn't matter that he won or not. He was just so glad that he has tried his best. His hard work paid off, C and his singing partner won the SECOND PRIZE for their outstanding performance! now, C is quite well-known in our school as a good singer and he as been invited to join a band ( in school) .From then on, he has been invited to sing at numerous school functions. The following day, C said that if he were ever to achieve his dreams someday, he will repay me^^hehe.. it felt so good to hear him thank me. He thanked me for convincing him to join the competition, he was glad the grabbed the chance, and he knows that he will not have many other chances like this. He grabbed the one and only chance, and it opened a lot of possibilities to him. Now he is one step closer to achieving his ambition.

what im trying to convey here is in life, we will be given many many MANY different opportunities and chances be it a competition, a chance to become a school representative, or a shot to become the (insert AJK post here) of a club.These chances are rare and come once in a blue moon, so why hesitate ? Grab the Chance, say YES (to chances that benefit u only, pls don say yes to drugs o smoke or gambling etc etc) and embrace life and everything that is given to you to the fullest. C could have let that chance fly away, and wasted all that wonderful experience and moments but he didnt. Instead he gave himself magical memories that will last a lifetime. So, when u are facing a decision to accept a chance or not, if possible, grab that opportunity. You may not be very good at it, and u may not achieve the results u wished for, but if u tried ur best u will be grateful that you have done it, you''ll gain experiences that no one can take away from u. There is no downside to this, all u get is good stuffs, i mean, who dont want extra experiences in their resume? u can say that U HAVE DONE IT!

hhaha... i hope u get what i'm saying....

let me put it this way,
i was given the chance to become a school representative for the school Bola Jaring team.I grabbed the chance, i trained for the competition, i had lots of fun and i represented the school to compete with other teams in the Pertandingan Bola Jaring MSSD. Okay, so we sucked, and we lost badly (we dont have a coach at all, the blind lead the blind!!) BUT i definitely gained experience. Hey, now i can say that I'VE DONE THIS and i have an extra sijil penghargaan!! yay!! its will look good on my extra-curriculum vitae for college ^^ this made my life in school even more greater! and to think i could have loss this all when i almost declined the offer to join the team.

still dont get it?

well, another example would be me and Rumah E, which is one of the House for Sports Day. For my past 4 years in Kwang Hua, i spent my sports day with my kadet buddies and the nearest i gone to experiencing the event is from a far (kaki bukit). i have never really been a sports person ( but i do marathons ^^ n dancing^^) and have never been involved in sports day work before. One faithful Monday morning, during the AGM for Rumah E, i was suddenly chosen to be the Vice President for Rumah E. (i was really shocked and still hav no idea y i was chosen). i grabbed this chance to be involved in this once a year thing, and during the 3 months of working my butt off for rumah E, all i can say i was, it was one of the MOST WONDERFUL MOMENTS of my life. It made form 5 life got even sweeter~sweet! It cannot be described- the fun i had as the VP of rumah E. So we didnt win, but I tried my best, and im proud to say that WE R THE CHAMPION for the PERBARISAN competition!! woohoo!!!! hehe! hey, and for the first time in my life, i actually joined a sport event - high jump. i took the chance to do it, i almost wasted this opportunity, i practiced hard, didnt win, but for an armature ( newbie/first timer), fifth place is not bad~ IM PROUD!

err..dear friends, do u see when i mean? SEIZE THE OPPORTUNITY coz u have nothing to lose, i did, and i have gain A LOT from it : sweet memories, great experiences, NEW FRIENDSSSSSSSS etc etc... the only thing i lost is emm.... nothing!? but sometimes, you have to earn the chances for urself and prove that u are worth it. Don waste the chances that u can have, it will enrich ur life, and make life so sweet..~ it worked for me, and im sure it will work for u. Hey, the skies' the limit!

so, why hesitate?

Life is wonderful if u let it to be wonderful~

rollercoaster ride

i know the first few post are suppose to be all rainbows and smile and sweet cotton candy, but screw it, these has not been a few weeks, n i kinda started on a wrong (crappy) time to start a blog.

huhuhu... its the last FEW FEW days of school.. n my emotions are like a rollercoaster ride... ever since trial started, everything kinda like.. shifted. i don't know, it just feels weird, different, but everything is still the same.....i feel so confused. u know why? simply because people change.
my friends, they are very dear to me, and i love them alot, but one by one every one is going through this metamorphosis into someone that i don't know. Some changed for the better, some became someone i don't know, and some are just, different.

for the friends that changed into hardworking little bees, i salute you, and i beg you.. PLEASE SPREAD SOME OF THE HARDWORKING JUJU ON ME!! i desperately need it.

for the friends that are still floating like i am, kinda aimless n moodless n dunno what the hell they are doing, im praying for u T.T omitofat

and for the dear friends, that feels like you suddenly feel into a deep,deep narrow well and can't find the light, im here for you. i wanna help u, i so so so so so really want to help, but i just feel so helpless. congratulations, you managed to find ways to push me out when i haven't even step in, and u managed to find ways to break my heart even when u and i havent say anything. To this friend, i actually wanna thank you, because you are the only when that noticed that i feel kind of alienated and dipulaukan in class but, Wind changes. it hurts my heart to see u like that and i don't know how else i can help you. When will you see the light? when will you notice that life is actually bright? haiz... its just that i wanna help you, so will u let me help you?there is no such thing as "useless" or "too late" or stuff like that. yes, ShIT DOES HAPPENS but shit can be flushed down the freakin toilet. it all depends on what U want and how U want it to happen. u have to work for it, and a little DOES goes a long long way. the problems is, u wont even try, u wont know what will happen till u try it. Okay, so u try, and it doesnt work out, so what? at least you know you've tried ur best n u'll have nothing to be depreseed about.u have a future, and n amazing life, don waste it. u managed to get this far u will be able to go furthur. i have no idea how to motivate u,and it seems like there's no way to influence you. so i guess the only thing i can do for now is to be there for u, as a friend.. u have to know that u have friends supporting you, and caring for you, we are worried. we may not show, but we feel ur pain. i may not be able to guide you to ur future, but at least i'll be there when u make ur decision. that is, if u want me to be there.....

at the end of this rollercoaster life marathon, a beautiful ending awaits us. it is up to us to finish the marathon, to be strong n have the willpower to sweat it out. No one said it was going to be easy, and no one said it was going to be fun, everyone said that it is going to be a crappy ride, but the end results feel absolutely GREAT, and it is all worth the pain n the tears! So, dear friends, put on ur shoes, tighten ur shoelace, n hang on tight, the marathon is about to get even more wilder!!!!

be brave. "geng4 mei2 hao3 de4 zai4 qian2 tu2 deng2 ni3"...

virgin no more

welcome to my blog!!! a world of my own where i can crap abt all the stuff tht is happening no matter good or bad.... this feels kinda weird coz im not that person who talks abt stuffs that are bothering her. but, if i don start this blog, i think i will go crazy one day. hey, plus its a great way to improve my english skills.... i think !?
its time for the virgin to step out, n start her first blog, hence, blog virgin no more i am!! yay!!

if u were wondering, why "the eternal optimist" i'll tell you why..
this is such a precious name given to me, by a dear friend who has gone to meet the angels, it just summarizes me so perfectly - the eternal optimist. i don't know why, but i am always just oh so "half-glass full".. im just always happy ^^ and things no matter how bad, always seems to be GREAT! im just so happy to be blessed
with this happy genes!! but, even optimists have insects that bug them~ its bcoz im human

so, a short intro to my blog, keep tuning in to for more poems (yes i write poems n i finally have a place to post!! yay~), more stories, more photo's(noob photographer, i have some wonderful photos in my album @ go take a look!), n of course, more insight on the wonderful colours of my beautiful life~ ^^

ahh... i feel better alreay ^^
see u soon!