if its all worth it

i almost had a heart attack the other day when my laptop stopped working because my table played mine tricks on me. but all's fine now, Dell tech guy came and fix Wanda up, her RAM was messed up thats all. but now, Wanda has a battle scar on her shiny new face. im sorry Wanda, we'll get u a new bag real soon kay!

***

at the risk of sounding snooty, i work hard, really really really hard in school. I work so hard to a point where for the last 2 weeks, all i did was go to college, come home, do homework and go to work and sleep. I stayed home last 2 Fridays Saturdays and Sundays just to finish the shit loads of assignments. All i did, think and live was assignments. I didnt go out with my friends. damn effing no life ok. Its depressing. but its ok,'i tough it out coz i know i have to score coz if i dont my scholarship will be revoked and we have no money to send me to a good college and i will have no friends and i cant get a good job and i become lonely emo friendless girl living on pity alms from people on the sidewalk and i will go crazy and become the crazy lady with 72cats.

I work really hard. but 'my bosses' choose not to see that. Somehow they only seem to notice me when i go out with my friends, especially at night. or when I do my dance shows. and thats only once in a very long while since college's been a bitch lately. So, at the very off-chance that i do hang with my friend, or when i go to work and show, they start to complain about me going out too much till too late. They start questioning me if my homework is okay, if I have time to do my work, asking me to cut down on this and that or it will affect my studies and all that crap that just makes me wonder 'hello? have you not seen me being anti social for the past 2 weeks locking myself under homework arrest?'. Im 19, i need friends and a break from school. being. in. a. room. alone. for. too. long. will. make. me. kill. myself.

the worst part is when i really answer with something like "i finished this much of work today ok" mum will be like 'why you feeling guilty is it?", dad will go "yameh? so guai meh!". They meant it jokingly and they think its funny, but its not. My bro's the ultimate champion.

bro: so what did you get for your results?
me: A2s and A1s lo.
bro: what happened to the A2? why didnt get A1?

just imagine how i feel after that. after all that slaving. one word. fml.

don't get me wrong, mum dad bros do let me live my own life. they're awesome and supportive and all that but sometimes, at days like this, i just wonder if its all worth it. I see my friends only aiming to pass, they do less the work and have twice the fun that i do. I've beeen trying so hard to prove my worth to them since High School but all they say is a 'good job' and its back to me being a juvenile. They kinda don't trust me, thats one thing. I'll always be a kid. Im almost 20 and dad still think im 18. last year, i was 15.

I dunno.. sometimes i just feel like a fool for working so hard.

my room is green

sometimes, i love it how you don't feel tired at all, and in fact more alert, when you only got 2 hours of sleep the night before.

but why, when you've had like a nice, proper 7 hours of sleep you wake up feeling tired faster?

just realized i haven't had a nice, long, comfortable sleep and wake up with that happy cozy feeling in a very long time.

maybe cause my room is so stuffy and hot and dusty that i go to sleep sweaty and i wake up sweaty and sitting here right now is just making me sweat. so much so that my blankets are feeling neglected.

in fact, my whole house is a freaking oven. believe me, dont come here in the afternoon. panas giler babi ok.

why did my house have to be right smack in front of a main road la??? mum offered me an air-cond, coz we have an extra one sitting in the store room somewhere, but i said no. why? because air cond kills the environment omg what was i thinking i could have been rolling in sweet cold slumber right now

Good food

God knows everyone on earth loves good food. and yes, while the definition of delicious differs from palate to palate, all of us roughly have the same taste on whats yummy or plain, good or bad, heavenly or just plain disgusting.

If there's one thing I don't get, is how people judge yumminess not based on the taste of the food, but the brand of the shop. Give them a banana fritter bought from a shopping mall and a banana fritter bought from pasar malam and they'd say the store bought banana fritter tastes better. even if they taste the same. just because its bought from some fancy store.

I don't know bout you but I personally prefer my nasi lemak from the kakak that sells rm1.50 packets beside a road under the coconut tree and not from some lame-ass air conditioned commercialized franchise pretending to be an upscale coffee shop. Just because its overcharged more expensive, doesn't mean it tastes better. But that's just me.

I'm not saying all store bought food are bad, nor am I saying all road side food are better. (though i really do prefer my hawker stalls). All I'm saying is people, food tastes good because its cooked well, not because the brand is better! and that goes for clothes, shoes, and everything else too.

I'd take a Ramly burger over McDonald's any day.
Speaking of which, I haven't had in ages.

Time for a Ramly!

sorry, tree.

there this one palm tree-ish kinda plant by my front gate that refuse to grow. His twin is already as tall as me, but he stopped growing a couple years ago.

maybe i shouldnt have driven over him with my wira.

the colours; i miss them too

seeing them again was the most sweetest, warmiest feeling today :) i almost did not want to leave.

I thought my kids would have forgotten about me by now but boy was i wrong! my little impromptu surprise at the kindy made them so excited, i miss the sound of them calling me Teacher Mei.

the girls were giggly at my sight, and kept telling me how much they miss me...
they kept asking when am i coming back to teach them.
i did not know how to answer.

Gavin, the one brattiest-ADD-back talking-intelligent-adorablely-lovable-problematic boy then i've came to have a special bond with during my 3 month tenure shut down completely. For the first time ever, he sat there quietly and ate his noodles without a single sound. he wouldnt even look at me. I guess he just didnt know how to react after not seeing me for 2 months. He even hid his face away in his arms when i sat beside to talk to him. after minutes of coaxing, the cutest thing happen- he came to sit in my lap, quiet for a few seconds, and then suddenly started talking excitedly about their trip to the Vitagen factory. and then the jolly old Gavin that i knew so well returned- asking me all the questions under the sun.

oh how i miss them sitting in my lap.

and i was almost jealous not being there at the Vitagen factory with them.

my boss just texted me, saying Adriana cried when she told her mom at home about meeting me in school. the poor girl. i feel bad for leaving, really.

its nice to know that im missed and that i've played a part of their lives, even if it was the tiniest. Its nice to know that they appreciate me, cause teaching in a kindergarden is really tiring! and yes, i appreciate them too, cause they've played a big part in my life as well..

what can i say? 3 months in the kindy was seriously draining, low pay, irrelevant to my studies and my boss was kinda squeezing us dry, but the kids made it an wonderful experience :)


the memories,
they're heartwarming, thats what it is.

i scribbles

so school's been pretty busy, what with the crazy amounts of assignments and all. I really don't mind the work but it gets depressing after a while when your only answer to friend's "what you doing" is "assignments".

who knew sem 2 would have twice the workload compared to sem 1. freaking blogposts. ok yeah so yeah i was prepared for sem 2 to be crazier then sem 1, but still its gonna be a challenge especially with my new work schedule and all. so far my no procrastination resolution is erm, resolutionized. haahha

I start work with 8tv again tomorrow. I've had a nice one month break while they sorted out some issues and now that everything is sorted out, I am coming back to the streets yo! sorry, me trying to sound ghetto just doesnt work. anyways, the new work schedule is wacked. its double the time and hours then a month ago, which is making me worry coz God forbid my studies get disturbed. I really looking forward to get back to work but not so much the driving up and down round and about everyday! and it also means that my dancing shows and all has to be cut cut cut cut down :( well at least i've had my fair show of shows last month :) No worries, college always comes first, everything else revolves around assignments, as my mum, dad, and brothers wont stop reminding me.

which leads me to another point! being the youngest in the family means extra pressure from your older siblings so you people who have little bros and sis go easy on them kay! and you guys out there thats the youngest, I FEEL YOUR PAIN! but still, i love my bros coz one feed me buffalo wings and the other feed me well, crudely speaking, money. so remember, always feed your siblings food.

and, i pretty certain my dogs are gay. or at least bisexual. i have 3 male dogs- Floppy, Bibi, and Puppy. Puppy wont stop humping Floppy. and, the pigeon died. COZ FREAKING PUPPY BIT HIS HEAD AND INJURED HIM. stupid dogs. and the fishtank in the living room went beserk, broke, and 6 fish died. my grandpa is gonna flip at the sight of missing fishtank when he returns from Medan.

R.I.P dear pigeon and fishies.

bye.

i feel like a car ride with Micheal Buble

on days when you feel doubtful,

helpless,

unwanted,

and only second best,

Dr Tran, Foamy, and Pablo Francisco seems to be the only consolation to make you smile.

hmm, time for some Youtube.

I feel like doing something stupidly drastic that I'll regret later. Like shave myself bald or .... 

on another note, Micheal Buble can serenade me anytime. hot damn the man has a voice that'll make you melt! If he ever comes to Malaysia, I'll be that girl holding the "Will You Marry Me" sign.

jum beer under the stars and planes over our heads anyone?