I live in hypocrisy. I try not to, but its unavoidable when you live torn between the two repelling spectrums of "beauty".
I'm 20, the target of skinny bitch beauty ads. I'm a dancer, a definite target of flabs ridicule and weight watchers. Though the teasing of (barely there) muffin tops are usually in good fun, its hard not to be a little self-conscious. And, I live amongst girls (thankfully numbered) who are literrally skin and bones complaining bout their non-existent body fat, and bimbos who rejoice at losing 0.5kg after skipping one dinner. How the hell am I supposed to not feel fat when twigs whine about their "belly" and im chowing down on Carls Junior and McFlurrys! I admit, shamefully, then I could lose a few pounds. Though im not crazy obsssesed like them girls on E! , I'm obssessed enough sigh everytime i look down at my pudgy belly.
But then again, I don't think I'm fat. I know I'm thin enough to not be fat, and I'm fat enough to not look aneroxic. Inspiring lecturers and interesting reads have taught me to not sucummb to unrealistic beauty ads, to love my own unique shape, to understand that beauty is 3 dimensional, not one. So I cringe in dissapointment when I see a cute, rounded 10-year-old being subjected to fat-teasings by her dance teachers, telling her to lose weight to look pretty. So i reject all notion of starving to diet, I reject the word diet, and I beat myself up for wanting to diet and feeling fat.
But then again, they tell me that I am getting fat.
oh the confusion and dilemma!!
Ironically, although the costume fitting talks of sucking in belly fat and jiggly butts amongst my dancer friends pops up more often than with my daily peers, these dancers eat with more gusto that anyone i know, while my girl-friends are the ones that cringe at the sight of a popcorn.
I would be the one saying fuck it and stuff my mouth with a whole bagfull of caremel coated popcorn goodness and feeling guiltly after.
Its a confusing world to live in to be a girl.
7 years ago